Unzip Me And See The Heart That Reads "Always"

The real me is built more like a treasure chest. I'll probably be valued more when buried. Oh the things they find when they dig.

The ending makes all of the difference. Think about the meaning behind a simple phrase... "Get Me"... the way it sets itself in opposition when you change it's ending from a question mark to an exclamation point. From insecure to demanding.

I stopped breathing when I heard you say I don't care anymore. Matching red drops to the flow of water, blending red into orange and brown. My Fall colors.

Hiding out in words and planning my escape in paragraphs. Dropping notes for strangers. Picking up hints from familiar faces... but we both know you can't spell familiar without "liar."

DontLetMeSleep

Keypads and "My Bads"

I was standing on my deck looking over the lake when I noticed that there are two roses growing beside the dock. Even in the middle of Fall they are intertwined, wrapped around each other for support. I've named them after us.

You never needed a knight in shining armor. You just needed someone to hand you your own sword. You already know that I have mine... this pen. Thank you for keeping my blade sharp.

Vines are vibrant and so entangled in my head. Uprooting my heart, allowing it to pour from my fingertips. Onto this screen. The blood in my veins is humid, causing my thoughts to stick together. The world is currently calling collect to ask me if I've given you my heart.. I'm refusing to accept the charges.(Guilty)

Whoever thought capsules of red look better in a bottle than on my tongue was a liar or a fool. I'm going to slide by you real fast to track down a waitress. If you see her first make sure she knows I drink my love straight up, on the rocks. No chaser. It's all coming up later anyway. Either in bathroom stalls or in the form of words on paper.

I combine the alcohol of affection with the pills of sleep more thoroughly than I mix my metaphors. I'm such a lush of emotion. I never get wasted on anything but these knots in my stomach, the continuous sparks in my chest, and the words I find written, stashed in my pockets. I'm such a slut for vernacular. A lexicon whore, prose prostitute.

Before you my whole life just felt like one big apology.

SleepOverPrince

Note 2 Self. I Miss You Terribly

I'll play the role of the cellphone, you play the dead zone... since I'm constantly searching for a signal when you are near. Using up all of my energy, down to the last bar. I'm setting a privacy lock on myself so you can only turn me on. Take me to a place where I can get good reception. Recharging is so ordinary. Drain the life from me. Throw me in the lake when you're done.

I'm just another regular decorated emergency. You are a case study for everyone in the medical field.

I have childhood blood on my hands that even the chlorine couldn't erase. Still waiting for him to resurface, I'll be keeping watch over the nearest body of water. Draining all sinks and bathtubs, brushing soap suds and bubbles to the side reaching for his hand.

ImMyOwnBetterHalf

Their grip on my shoulders shaking me for an answer I still don't have. Memories of mumbling words to an officer as they rolled you away. The sheets were wet and shown through. Our last goodbye. Red White and You. So much hatred for the deep END.

Today we're lighting candles for you... but instead of being on the top of cakes, our flames are resting a top Bible's opened to your favorite verse. I'm burning 2. One atop your verse, and one atop of Proverbs 28:17 for me.

CrackCaveFall

Welcome To The Lips and Hips Parade

Stumbling through haunted houses, paying only attention to the way my blood seems to get confused when we hold hands. Admiring the way our veins align. So perfect. I like the air best when it is circulated through your body first. The faint smell that is underneath your ear and between your shoulders makes me feel like this could last.

Any darkness in my heart just fell and went idle, defenses down. Here's to proving them all wrong. Remind them that the underdogs will always be the ones with the bite. I don't even care where I am geographically as long as I'm located somewhere in your mind.

Tonight regret is resting itself on the tip of the tongue of another, and love is laying somewhere between that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the confessional booth you'll face on your wedding day. Relax babe, this is not a cheaper version of passion. That would lead to meaningless scratches on bedposts and backbones.

This is the truest form of passion. The Casablanca kind. The type that made Rick tell a lie and let Ilsa return to Victor.

LongHaulLover

I'm Just The Medicine You Take When You're Down

The cold is settling in and my teeth are chattering their own rhythms, much like morse code. Patterns grouped in twos and threes. Drive my heart to the nearest liquor store, then light the match that we both know you've been saving.

I think New York is going to come sooner than expected. I don't see color here anymore. Just Grey lights contrasting against the 'get out or die' signs. Compasses built with broken arrows in a room with broken light bulbs. Please tell me Grey can turn itself to gold.

I think I dreamt you up because I spend most of my days just waiting around for you to reappear. My head full of thoughts that I'm afraid to write down, because I just might lose it all. This is the part where you ask me to be your forever.

There are champagne flutes and decks of cards and smiles behind glossed lips. There are wants and desires, and there is this one mad plan of mine that I just want to follow until I die.

There is a dizzy spell approaching and it's going to be named after you and everything that I have put you through. Nostalgia never meant much to me until I saw your name in lights. But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never laid next to.

I'll see you next Summer. First pew on the right. Wear your white veil and don't forget the words.

ForeverASleepWalker

I Can Never Fall Apart Because I've Never Been Together

Spitting upon lottery tickets and busting the wrists of palm readers. I'm currently attempting to get over myself, but I never really was one to take the high road. So it's proving to be quite the challenge.

The best lies are the ones we sell ourselves. And the best secrets are the ones we let out for the world to hear. My vocal chords are in the locker room lacing up their gloves. They should be making their way to the ring any second.

My eyes are burning red from trying to see this through. And don't bother, I'd just kill the messenger that you send. If you can't deliver it yourself then it was all meaningless. Bones, hearts, and homes. All are there to be broken.

Learning that life is not really measured by the number of breaths that we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. I already know the mistakes that I'm going to make because they are crucial to me.

My whole life is resting on the tip of my tongue.

Escape Button Love

Hiding behind a keyboard from the fact that story book romances end in sweet catastrophe. Trying to forget that the diamonds eventually become dull, refusing to sparkle in the moonlight... tears are the exact opposite. Maybe she's hungry for a heartbreak.... to be just a bottom drawer memory. Friends don't let friends get famous.

Fell asleep in the mirror the other day, sick to death of comparing myself. Starting to feel like every word has already been written. I'm not always the person I want to be... but you make me want to be him.

Silly boy, all this is ever gonna get you is carpal tunnel and bad eyesight. You only know how to manipulate your lungs with thoughts of her.

I wish I was the mirror reflecting you back so I could make your eyes look carefree. The way I think of you is billboard big, only I could never tell anyone. It's all "if they could see us now"s versus "they'd be spinning in their graves."

Penned in on all sides. Lets split town. "Better in the long run" always means taking it slow. Craving a quick sprint. Beating hearts and careless desire.

I wonder how the pharaohs would feel if they realized they never made it across to the other side... They are sitting on the third floor of the natural history museum. Forever.

Lipstick Wishes And Messages Across My Mirror

Make a mix tape for the drive. Cover the road in hope. Apparently there's more than one of you. Or so say the broken hearted kids screaming through my speakers.

No more tears like razorblades since we've been together. Their cuts across my lips only added to the blood I'd spilled from biting my tongue for three years. Hearts and sentences, complete them both.

Rise and shine with cheese and cracker snacks. Tame our stomachs. A lazy couch afternoon for two. Draping ourselves across each other. Scratching backs and heads and things off of our list of things to do. It should always be this comfortable.

Love is a killer and I'm guilty for murder. You and me between the sheets. Lets crash hips and keg parties.

Different Names For The Same Things

This week I am playing the role of tired words and the same hope-filled thoughts. The director says I was born to play this part. I mostly agree, and bury myself back in my script...

CUT TO: Me with my eyes closing and my hands getting heavy, letting my fingers do the talking in the middle of the afternoon. Stashing journals throughout the internet... then getting mad at myself for not remembering any of the passwords.

I work vampire hours thinking of her. On my best day, when all the planets have aligned, I still couldn't come close to touching her.

It's a never-ending fairy tale and my princess is no longer missing in action. This heart is finally taking a walk on it's own, not relying on my brain for a pulse all of the time.

Scattered X,Y graph - destination: laughter. Lucky charms and broken hearts all lie in fields filled with ticking clocks and shattered memories. This blood is liquid nitrogen, icy like a river in winter that will never slow down.

Beating them down one by one until it's just you and me.

VampiresUniteTonight

First Hand Words Make Me Fall In Second Hand Love

I am split-second slide shows. Like subliminal marketing from the 1960's, thoughts of me interfere and fade. Endless charades. You'll never truly be 'over it'. Sorrow is becoming cliche. I'm tired of these fingertip evaluations, but like a drug I keep coming back. Imagery has a choke hold. Like a projector in the back of my mind; you're Oscar-worthy.

Responding to my 'I miss yous' with 'you shoulds'. Just erase these lips; you've rendered this tongue useless. Make me believe. cast faux shadows while you're up and down. Derail my trust and fall asleep on the track.

Dare To Disconnect

Confessed myself through text messages like your heart was the chapel. Slowly adjusting my eyes in the faint light..... We'll have to wait for the sun to (s)peak.

Shafts of new light reflect the history of bottles in my bedroom emptied from the laughter the night before. Everything in the room is askew. Our hips crashed like we used to do to parties.

I can always count on this city's lights to twinkle on..... and off. The latter is more responsible... for my moods and the previous sentence.


Don't feel down Charlie Brown. I'm forever blowing bubbles. I focus all of my time on the thoughts of one single person to the point that I can't ever make myself happy. It's mostly like a camera that is zoomed in too close.

I feel tight. Crowded.... alone. But then I zoom out and see all of the smiles. The blades of grass. The don't walk signs. The jet planes in the clouds.

It's hallelujah on the tongues of those who can't feel anything. Like numbness being swept away to sea. It's bulletproof and big like Christmas. But mostly quiet like 3am when the streets I walk are the streets I own.

Dear chemistry, why did you crash us together??

I have found someone I can read a book next to. I found someone who will go to a movie with me in the theater even though they've already seen it- and she still acts like it's the first time. I have someone who calls me back after we hang up just to say bye again. I have someone who never gives up..... mostly on me.

Fireworks stand for whoever I am thinking about and whatever I am wishing for right now. They spread across the sky and the smoke left behind in the moonlight spells out your initials.

They Call Kids Like Us Vicious And Carved Out Of Stone

Four lane highways along my back. Your fingernails behind the wheel. Crash and burn. Here's to hoping shooting stars crash into our front door.

I am in love with observing. Saw an old man at the bar, he carries his years in his eyes. All of the addicts and pushers are sitting in pews somewhere. Buzzing and lights. There is a HIPSter docked on the bar next to me. She drinks vodka straight without mixers, because the monsters in her closet are calories. I wonder how many she burns with her constant running mouth.

Here no one wants to be what they are. I watch waiters run their lines. Nothing changes here but peoples hair color. Nobody here waits in line. Nobody pays covers. Writing here hurts my head. But I am addicted. Honest to god, its like taking a picture of a ghost.

I'm always walking home head down, talking myself to pieces. Smile at the grass pushing up through the cracks in the sidewalk. My teammate. Sometimes I look at my reflection in car windows and say "worry on your own time".

Whispers really are louder in the dark. So when you whisper in my ear, make sure that the lights are on.

Dropping The Weight Off My Chest With Words...

Remind me the purpose for this parade. I don't want to be on display anymore (they never notice me anyway.) Feeling like just another skip in the record... addresses in ghost towns... old wishes that never came true.

Right now we're all gods, and we are all monsters. It never really begins or ends because somewhere, there is a kid that looks and feels just like thi(u)s.

t.h.e.y.a.r.e.h.e.r.e.t.o.t.a.k.e.o.u.r.h.e.a.r.t.s.

My head is a pool you frequently swim in. Sleepy eyed and foggy headed I wander the harbor alone. I'm tired but afraid to sleep because lately I never know what my mind will conjure up for my viewing pleasure (onlynotreally.) It's bad enough when I'm awake(wellmostly.)

Longing for extravagance to fall from these fingertips. I stare at the floor that I used to communicate with through tears. But you've cut off that communication. And for that I will always be grateful. Focusing on spending some quality time behind eyelids, because at least in dreams you get to decide who lives and who d(cr)ies.

The ballad of wet lips and eager hips. 4-1 That's a ratio you will never figure out and it's okay. I'm always in the haze of a car crash.

Distraction is the cousin of Destruction. StayFocusedRyan...JustStayFocused

ithinktheyvepassed

Coolest Couple Awards In Trophy Cases

Been writing in the real journal lately. Paper and ink. Hey Ryan, how did you get yourself turned so inside out?

This city feels like a lull. In weather, in love, in time, in life.

I can love you in hour increments, and I can give/take all your problems back/away. But the only thing that stays constant is me wanting to be bright enough to blind you.

HGW and Ashtrays from the local track. That line is just for us.

Think of all of the love I have behind my eyelids waiting for you to wake up. Thanks to all the forever kids who have stuck by my side. Dream fast. Wish hard. I got the Tootsie Pop with the Indian shooting at the Stars.

TrueEffinLove

Hanging Paintings In The Rain To Watch Perfection Hit The Floor

In case you forgot, the roller coaster was our fix. Cotton candy catastrophe. Ice cream crushes. Making our way through smoke filled paths. Winning stuffed fish for no reason at all.

Let's go to the beach and bury our hands together. Write messages in the sand to read before they wash away. This should always be us.

Laying around all day, watching fireworks in the reflection of your green eyes at night. One last ride before closing time. Lets get stuck on top so we can watch the park lights slowly burn out one by one like the years we've watched go by. An instant classic.

Walking away. Your hand in mine. No certain direction but to follow the stars. Let's aim for the brightest. I'll show you the one I named from your bedroom window. Our backs against the pavement. We certainly own the sky.

I'm Your Best Imaginary Friend. (White Lies, Gray Love).

To my forget-me-nots & allies;

This story is a complete waste of the eyesight you'll lose reading it. When you are done you'll ask yourself what the point was. There wasn't one. Every life has a lull in it that gets so bad and seems so long that you can't remember when or why it started. It skips around and probably isn't worth it but to me it reads like the bible. This is the story of a lull...read it like a crime scene report or an autopsy, because that's all it ever was.

BatsOnTheMove...

Wrapped With Ripped Paper And Held Together By A Dirty Bow

She says that someone was bound to appreciate all of my broken pieces, even though I was sitting on the clearance rack. She was attracted to the sticker on me that read "fragile, handle with care, some pieces may be missing."

We both know that the only piece playing hide and seek is the object on the left side of my chest. It used to beat with a steady rhythm, now it's a deafening whisper.

She is the catchiest catch. My head is an explosion of thoughts and her eyes make them all disappear.

It's a tale of "greater thans" and "less thans," and she will always be greater than me. It's a quick wit and a big heart, that's why we are the best of friends.

They are the joke with whispers and laughs behind their back. And it's you and I laughing the loudest. Keep stealing my heart because we're the new trend.

We Memorize Nine Numbers And Deny We Have A Soul

"This went out last season," she said.

And I only wish that you could realize it isn't always about you.

Oh by the way... if it was about me, I'm sorry that I mean anything to you. It's crazy that I mean something at all these days.

It's not crazy to remember, but to you everyday is an excuse to forget. We both know that along with the truth I could run circles around you if I really wanted to. But since my lungs aren't built for this... I'll let it go.

With my hair messed up and my hoodie zipped up I don't see the point. I got a way to get away from you. But it still seems as if you are following me.

Figurative language doesn't make any sense and I have forgotten where I am. Time changed but your still the same.

You've got people on your side that you never liked from the beginning, and today I swear something new is starting.

work.home.hide.lie.sleep.repeat.

And if all you ever wanted was a response then I guess I am doing the right thing. Stubborn and stupid are not far off from each other in the dictionary.

If I could put everything in my life to a song would you know the words?

I think I hear the tapping of rain on the roof but only in my head because I wish it so. I have some romantic idea of myself in some dirty apartment in Paris writing words that will be critically analyzed and translated into languages from countries that I didnt even know existed. But this isn't France in the 30's and I don't have the knack for that kind of wit.

ThisDoesntFeelLikeHome... BoardingWrongFlights?

Back Lots, and Side Notes

Polaroids inside my eyelids. Subliminal cut-throats. I can't seem to dismiss these dreams. Drive through the back-lots and into the studios. I wish your perfume was on my passenger seat; you've blocked all exits.

I bury breakdowns to pass the time. Missed you while standing outside the Magic Kingdom. Took a look up. I'm always a sucker for a skyline. Breathe in a Disney morning. The lights and flights overhead. Sigh. No street will ever be the same. Your fingerprints on my moon roof will confirm. This is easier said than done.

Everyone, everywhere has a truth and a lie about you, but they'll always mix them up.

Thought about putting my hand through a wall today in a disagreement I had with myself. I came out ahead and behind if you get my meaning. I think I just wanted a wound to take care of as they seem to be easier to look after than either a plant or a dog.

DartsMapsAndFutureTrips... PretendingIDontMissYou

A Knot At The End Of The Rope, To Save A Slipping Fist

Think of me when you collect Buffalo nickels and Kansas Quarters. Heart the way Buffalo were endangered. Heart the way they made a comeback. Roam the earth in plenty like they do.

Away from you I'm just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that. I don't want to sleep alone anymore.

You always have me humming in my head just out of key. If this is the Nightmare Before Christmas, I am Jack (I'll weave a path of mistakes, with the best intentions.) You can be Sally (since you never seem to give up on me.) We'll be the first and only to get things right.

Currently putting on more weight so there will be more of me to lose.

I feel like a nocturnal animal in the zoo at 12 noon. Me turning away from them so they don't see my eyes when I'm walking out the door... When I'm waving my hand back and forth and saying "I'm doing so-so" cause thats what I think someone "regular" would say.

Them saying "it wasn't the same without you"- but trailing off in a whisper because they don't even believe it themselves. The volume goes with the truth.

Compliments of Jenny at Animal Kingdom, I'm leaving you with a Fact Of The Day: Many tropical flowers depend on bats for their pollination. Hearts for Bats.

ImInYourHead... DontThinkOfWhiteElephants

It Took More Than A Heartbeat To Get Here

Pirates rings, Pirates bracelet, and a Minnie Mouse chocolate chip cookie start my day. Nosebleeds have me sleeping in fear. My kidneys, my lungs, my weakness, my secret. And this is my disclosure. Does heaven accept doctors notes. I think I may be skipping out.

Numb burnt days, or Numbered days? Pick your poison.

I have key chains and dreams. One a carriage to the other. I have been counting the days, but we all know that four tires just doesn't seem enough. Escape? Lose the question mark. Live for exclamation points.

Accusations cling to me with whispers.. "He has to be on something." Their skeptical judgments test me while I'm here. And when I'm laid to rest they will run one final test and find that they had it all wrong. I'd scream the truth at the top of my lungs if they wouldn't bottom out.

Dreaming of yellow lines in the middle. Trying to stay/keep up. When you accept your own death all fear is erased. You begin to realize that no one has ever truly known where they're going.

Press on the pedal and close your eyes and I'll be your passenger. Tonight the coast can be my cure. Lay with me in the sand and map out the stars. Watch as I spell out your name. Now it's your turn to write out something that you are convinced won't become another mistake.

Literally dying... to let it fade and fall into the sea. Start over. I would burn down the sky just to get this right. Tonight I'm sinking ships without you. The world is collapsing in your name and I'm still not even convinced that you have a clue.

Don't you get it babe... He writes about hearts because his has a beat that is fading.

The Bat is my flight from life, The Heart is my own, The Skull will be what's left of me. Bats and hearts forever. Please don't let them forget about me.

Heartache Lite... Diet Love

Forgot to pack my journal... Thank God for high-speed internet in hotel rooms. Brain surge. Thoughts like puffy clouds out my afternoon window.

If I was a judge I'd only hand out run-on sentences. Florida feels lonely. Leaves won't turn orange here. Or at least they're putting up a fight. I feel like I've worked my way back into mid-summer... and you know how much I love the Fall.

I'm calling shotgun on everything you do.

Right now I dream of lying in backyards with you in the a.m.'s..... White water rafting and carving pumpkins.

The Geneva convention of romance.

I work vampire hours thinking of you. The rings around my eyes are simply the proof. And when the planets align even the mercury specks in our eyes match.

Thought about you on the plane, surrounded by school children and coloring books. I came to the conclusion that if I was back in school I would have your name scribbled all over the inside of my Trapper Keeper.

LoveTheWayYouCallMeBabe

Her Heartbeat Gets Me Through

This is only me re-tracing your footprints in my memory and placing them in order of significance.

A show of hands, who has said these words out loud? With a show of hearts on the floor, who has ever meant them more than me right now? I feel like I overheard you saying how it would be funny to keep me hanging in suspense, may I say I loved you more?

It must have been an hour that I clutched you in my arms, and I must of said the the right things because you instantly felt warm. With your head on my chest I'm sure you heard my heart stop beating. Though for only seconds. I dare you to hold back OUR tears.

Baby Girl when will you finally realize that your sympathetic whispers are telling a CHILDish tale with a theme of sudden goodbyes.... and we're not getting used to them. Compliments of the past few weeks. My pen is the barrel of a gun, remind me which side you are supposed to be on.

I swear you saw me tearing up, and I swear I saw you smile.

Thinking about returning to paper and pen for awhile. Thoughts CONCEIVED IN ink. I'll be posting to other blogs and such... i LOVE letting my mind wander through circuits and the other sides of the internet.

CodedMessagesLetYouKnowWhereToLook

Training Men Like Animals, Warring Factions

The most random inbox just threw me in all directions. Unsolicited threats from a G.I... claiming hearts for himself. Fight the real enemy soldier, I don't even know you. Besides, I'm better equipped for this battle on the home front so I'm looking forward to your follow-through just as much as you. In the mean time stay out of the sun.... and my inbox.

Confusion for the next 2 months.

MyTwinWoreYourNameBetter

GamesArentForLovers... ComeCleanBabe... HeartsRemain

In other inbox news... Publishing deal actually went through! Copies for everyone! Can't believe this is happening!... Printing for the New Year. Working on titles. Send them over.

Shipping and Warehouse details are almost final at Clandestine. Look for the new Fall line over at ClandestineIndustries.Com My "Love is a Four Letter Word" hoodie won't be out until February... but believe me, the stitching alone will be worth it. Very custom. Other designs will be available online by Thursday... so until then stay fancy!

PictureMeLookingIntoYourEyesForTheTruthWhenYouReadThis:
Its give and take until you've given more than you could ever dream of having. I'm dying to be your life support when all else fails. I'll hook you up to the IV, lay you down on the gurney, and kiss your eyes closed.

Come on... nothing is more/less attractive than helplessness. It's too bad beauty pageants aren't held in hospital wings because we'd have the upper hand this month.

Robes as dresses, needles as necklaces. High heels are replaced with cold heels against lime scented tile. It's much easier to turn and wave without the threat of falling flat on your face.

What do you have left if not your face? You can cry wolf all you want but every time you do I'm looking straight at you.

This is the result of heads thinking too much, of hearts loving too fast.

Swear to make sure that what you're playing with is something you're willing to lose.

BadTiming

For Every Coin Thrown In The Fountain

I am in debt to this sensation. My only real crime is my obsession with documenting it.

Love letters from pens with no ink... and I'm left reading scratches on the table. Pulling my pen from my pocket, putting it right back. False alarm. So much swirling through my head but no amount of words to map it out. The blueprints have failed.

You know... whispers are so much louder in the dark. So break bulbs with me, babe. Let's burn these secrets down. Expose you to this audience we call our conscience. Suckers for the dark room.

Scrapbooks won't last. Sooner or later the color will fade, drip, and become a mess of memories that once were. A puddle of forgotten flashes and dead chromophil. Expired smiles illustrated under dust.

Once the rewind button is broken, all you can do is let it play through. Writing off tomorrows every time my fingers touch these buttons. Putting all the comforts and closeness in reverse just for you.

I haven't felt much like staring at a computer screen lately, reading words put to paper years ago instead. It slows my heart down.

Exit.

Luggage Is My Ex-BestFriend

I'm currently typing this with a heavy heart watching you sleep with doors open next to my dog and I'm more than in love with it all. A cat that normally avoids every living thing is paying you all the attention in the world and its making mine spin in all directions.

My bubble or yours. Lets never leave them behind.

Death is chasing all of us. September is our losing month. Heaven 6, us 0. Frowns for the latest news. Hearts for all that is looking up.

NYCisCallingINeedToPickUp