...

Perform this task as we have practiced. Strike the match and light the gasoline trail that we surrounded ourselves with in months past. Lock the doors and walk away. We have been compromised.

Follow me into the new year.
Another place online.
Let me guide you.
Letters are the ups and downs of this mood.
I am selling you a one letter clue per line.
Nope. You're still reading along the lines you skip
Onto the next.
Remember... I'm selling you a one letter clue per line.
Because horizontally is so last year.
Each line is a new direction.
These words just fill the gaps.
And they are only here to take you elsewhere.
Keep reading between the lines for the next entry.
Everything here will have to be read 'down' instead of written.
Now finish with .blogspot.com

Practice Erasing Yourself, So You 'll Know What It Will Feel Like

Sometimes my heart jumps in front of the train wreck that is my head and answers for it... Forgetting of course, that it will bear the results of its rashness in the small hours of the morning, when all you have is a mickey and fifteen ways to swallow it so that it burns everything away.

Asleep at the wheel (just to run myself over.) From their mouths the words feel like car-wrecks. My insecurity is my seatbelt, choking me alive.

Even the weather stood me up. A whiteless Christmas is the cruelest kind of punishment for kids like me. At least I packed the moon. Tonight I'm going to give my tired eyes a break and let my heartbeat sing them to sleep.

IfIHaveToWalkImGoingJustTheSame

I Don't Know Karate But I Know Karayzeee!

Down to the wire. It's the way I'm living. I'll be home for Christmas, but more in the showing-up-late-for-registration kind of way. Open roads and my mutt beside me. 15 hours to nowhere. So I am coming to see you, it's what is right to do and I am done fighting it. Slip on your best smile. That one that would make a polygraph believe you. Because I want you to want me there and I want to believe it.

I'm shipping my heart to Florida for the holidays. We've made plans to meet back up in New York City. 49th and Broadway. Don't be late. And don't forget those eyes.

This has been the year of the lull. Next year will be written about us. Let's storyboard our future and pen the first piece of literature that has no antagonist, villain, or crusher of dreams. Let's leave out the drama, heartbreak, and conflict. A story that only you and I would care to read. Let's lock ourselves between pages and retire on a bookshelf. You and me forever.

ItsHappening

My dog is sporting a new scarf that makes him look very Ivy League. I'm just writing on papers never read, rolling down the windows of hope only to see the glass fog.

"Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum." - Vincent Van Gogh... in a letter to his brother.

When I read this book of his letters I see "Sunflowers" completely different. Though the painter is never the painting and vice versa... As I try to pick apart another I realize that the same thing is done over and over and over and over. Who am I kidding? It's not like I could ever figure out a motive...etc. Sometimes it's good to just get out of your own head once in awhile.... when clicking submit doesn't mean CC:'ing your editor. Write for yourself... inside and out. Happy holidays, hug your dog and your mom. Stay safe.

Still in the Blur

I've been spending the weekend trying to cage all of the free spirits. So let's make sure to make them shiny so we'll be able to see them glisten on the ocean bottom. We'll take your flaws and polish them until they're as good as new... that is except for insecurity, there has been a recall on that one.

I'm guessing I look like I just got off a bender because everyone keeps saying "you really should get some rest." Like that was ever the problem.

It feels more like I'm a surgeon who can't cut himself open to save his own life. Going AWOL from ghost towns. My dreams are all backyards in the suburbs and you. And whatever happens in between, just make sure our plots are matching and next to each other.

It's kind of tough being a people pleaser when you aren't too fond of people in general. On steroids for the stomach pain - no, not the cool kind. Though one of the side effects is dementia.

I just want to lay in my own bed and think this through. Instead I sneak time on tile floors and passenger seats. I can hardly hold my head up long enough to find sentences in it. We can only drive past wreckage so many times until it sticks.

HaveHeartWillingToTravel

Up the dosage just to assess the damage. "You're too young to be writing like this." I mature with every word, hasn't anyone told you. It's all that I can do to spill my guts tonight. Everything is wound up and I'm without the energy to struggle.

No Need To Panic: Please Form a Line and Make Your Way Towards The Exits

Best friends means I pulled the trigger. And we all love how contradiction rolls so easily off of tongues. But if imitation is the highest form of flattery my pen should wear a crown.

Drove to work in a fog. Literal and Mental. This story is getting old. A home wrecker with a heart of gold. It's all just the same old blood rush applied with a new touch of ink.

Calm down Charlie Brown. The 1st Edition only allowed for 50 copies. You guys are awesome. Back in print in 07'!! Thanks for all of the support!


Switching blogs for the New Year. See you there! Enjoy your holiday.

ConfirmingReportsTheHostageHasBeenWounded

My One and Lonely

I can't get my mind to shut down long enough to make moves.

I have this love/hate relationship with being forgotten. There are times that I dread human contact. But there are also times that I can't stand to sleep alone. Two parts of me that are constantly at war with each other. My mood changes before I finish whole sentences. Hence the fragments.

Birth and death are really just the bookends, and no one explains how to find happiness in between, but I'm sure it is hiding somewhere far away from currency. I want cures, not houses.
You and me babe, let's be the survivors with the last bit of their flesh underneath our fingernails. This ship is gonna look pretty at the bottom of the sea.

Pills to fall asleep. Pills to wake up. Pills to keep going throughout the day. And just when you've got yourself figured out they change the dose. There's a prescription always to make you likable... at least for a little while. Some of your friends aren't really friends, and when you try to explain it there's a pill to shut you up. There's the few friends that are golden and they shine enough to blind you to the ones that aren't. Focus on what you have instead of what you don't. Otherwise it's missing sunrises trying to forget sunsets.

Everyone I used to love had a flaw I couldn't fix. Everyone I love now sees that flaw in me. RecoveringHypocrite

Right now this is the movie you heard had a bad ending so you didn't go see it. This is the movie you don't rent on DVD due to all of the bad reviews. This is everything you've ever heard but never witnessed yourself. This is me.

I misplaced my mind when I lost my skull ring last night.

Write My Troubles Away

Holding conversations on paper so you can't move the punctuation. You're a semantic arsonist. Catching hearts on fire with the twist of a word. Print this out and burn it to create your next great disaster. They just see a matchbook on the bathroom sink. I see the mirrors and a potential for smoke.

We are bricks on gas pedals. We are the ink on forged checks. I will make you mine and then forget you. My head is too crowded for the company. Can we go back to how it was?

I want you in my after 12am veins. Lately it all just feels like looking up through ice in a frozen pond at red cheeked families skating, carefree.

This Is The Take Over... The Breaks Over

She screams for help but no ones hears. Her words fall not on ears but on skin and there isn't a single physical object sharp enough to break the surface. Save your paper clips, pencils, and razors. The words and pain are far beyond anything she can understand. She only knows the quickness of being alone and it takes her breath away. Give her anything for tonight.

And it's never the same the next day. It echoes of last year, but the memories are not disappearing. She's at the other end of the tunnel, listening to her own voice as it comes back louder.

Her hands are tied to pages inked to bring him back. And no one should ever go through this.... alone.

AndTheVictimCommitedTheCrime

This User Has Traveled Outside Of The Service Area

Lying under oath or lying under me. These nights have become contagious. You are my latest injury and everyone knows that fresh wounds must come clean. Fess up or Lie down. I'm just a well oiled robot that sweats and bleeds ink and although I used to sweat what was said, now I just sweat her.

CUT TO: The innocent victim across town...

"You have my attention," he says before he answers his phone or flips a magazine page... without looking up. And to her that bathroom floor is more familiar than him. She can feel blood in her head and the back of her legs but not her heart because it doesn't belong to her anymore.

One handshake from hell is the same as another kiss from the alter. She's the one lab rat that has yet to be tested with the final product.

Pretty girl, when will you realize that if you don't turn the page it will eventually turn on you.

The Hippo And The Turtle

This picture brings thoughts of me and her. The hippo lost its mom in the tsunami. Now he hangs out with this turtle and follows it around. From what I've read they have developed their own form of communication. I heart the Hippo and the Turtle.

How I'm living. The chemists call it crossed signals. The poets call it magical.

This is an unofficial surrender. But you can't see my white flag through all of the cameras flashing in your direction. Or maybe it's because you are only looking at the kiss in the corner of her mouth. Even Wendy looks like a home wrecker from Tinks perspective.

Half moon pills. And the way that they talk about you isn't even close. That's why I'm keeping our best days in our memories and our best lines closed tight in books.

Quick overnights in Mexico City. Gingerbread disasters and wrecked DVD's. She sleeps in my hoodies while I burn into the sheets.

NextDayLife

Eyes The Size Of Baby Worlds

OHOP laughter. Suicidal squirrels and abuse from a pancake covered in hair. We still have it. We've decided that breakfast is more than dangerous so next time we're sleeping in.

I'm sensing some antidote in the way the world has been speaking to me. But I'm all heart with these fingers stuck in my ears. Playing scenes from my childhood so loud that I can't hear what has happened to me.

If I'm a catch then they're just a net with a hole in it. I tried fitting in and I stood out; tried standing out and I blended in with the walls. I finally found myself and now no one notices me unless I make a scene. I have become the voice of a wanna-be story teller and a natural born traitor. Ghostwriting hits, written for my Misses.

Sometimes I wonder if they think about giving up on me when they see the moon in the afternoon. I have given up on myself too many times to count. You could trade mistakes for sheep and count me away forever at night... but you don't. Thanks for never giving up on me.... even when you truly should have.

And most of this incoherent thought is just being wasted on whether it will mean more to stay or to go. Currently learning the art of speaking in Parseltongue.

Did You Hear It Skip?

Dr.'s notes and co-pays take up afternoons and my thought process. Distraction in a pretty package. Waking up with words on lips, like the strands of a leftover dream.... and haven't I always held that closer to me than anything tangible?

Her eyes flicker with the telltale uncertainties of a lie when she speaks.... and you're finding yourself distracted and listless when she feeds you lines stolen from old forties black and white tortured heart dramatic girl/handsome stranger classics. The heroine has fallen victim to the cinematics.

Guards... take her away. Roll the red-cheeked false eyelashes away through the back, avoid press coverage. Twoamlife.

Pumping cellphones full of trepidation, uncertainty and the tiniest thrill. If she's lying to you then she won't be the first and there won't be anything to stop you from forgetting her forever... exept for the fact you're obsessed with crashing into her. FamousSecret

Two bodies and a gate away from our dreams. The moon off of our shoulders. Back pocket love. Front pocket lust.

They're all still sprinting down that one track mind and I have half a mind to let them win.

Time's Up, Pencils Down

Lately I've been trying to resuscitate my own murder. I feel for you, but mostly just for them. The names I'm scratching out are only more failed attempts to change the heart I'm buried in. Eventually they'll all want to ask me how I did it.

Let's face it. I have been painted on waves that were born to crash. Shorelines act as positive signs and changes. All the right words are trapped inside a shy throat. Nobody wants me clean. "He was so much more fun hungover."

So for now let us dance alongside the lights until the sun forgets it's job. Lets connect each star in the sky with footsteps. Tonight we will wear the title of the 'it' kids. Rooftops match reputations. Let's make the moon our personal disco ball. November nights are too late for fireworks but lets make them anyway. Just to watch them burn across the skyline and swallow up the city. Scarves and gloves. Cold lips against warm necks. Fingertips along waistlines. And this is me trying to add something in between the good nights and good byes.

Fine lines lay between friction and release. And remember that only the safe keep it simple. Gotta keep telling myself to stay out in left field, behind enemy lines, and on the right side of the fence.

Rainy Day Kids

No one else will understand headlights and yellow lines the way I do. Spilling out hearts between steering wheels and empty swing sets. Our cars collided at precisly the right second, crossing out paths where they need it the most. The more that I write the less shows up. I swear, together we could walk away from every train wreck with just a scratch.

AlphaMaleOmegaLove

4amlife. Everyone is heavy breathing in their sleep as the sun comes up. I want to be them. Keep looking for treasures.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... please put your seats in their upright position. Meet me at baggage claim. Pack light.

Please Send A Torch And Some Faith

Central Park collisions. 8 million people and it had to be the 2 of us. You had me laughing at the way you grovel when there are no microphones or camera flashes in sight. Take a stand. Dot coms refresh for the drama.

And my nosebleeds are oh so appropriate, given the fact that she is always on center stage and I find myself so far away. My best friend has given his approval. She won over left eye and tear drop stripes.

Until she showed up on my canvas I was just a painter without a vision. That's really all that I can admit to. I could learn to read her mind, but all of this reading in the dark has pretty much wrecked my sight. I'm guessing that she is regretting this monster she has created.

He gave me a prescription and said "these will take take care of your shyness." No one really gets that part though. And who ever wanted you to come out of your shell anyhow. Maybe I'm just pretty sure that I am a total bore. And there's nothing tragic at all, this is (I'm) completely ordinary.

Send Me Your Sunsets

Allow a lamb with wings to represent me, because I have become sleeplessness. It's as if I'm currently writing the gospel on staying up. And don't think for a second that just because I am the carrier that you will always be the rescuer. I know some of whats going on is out of reach but come with - because this is going to be the greatest story ever told. Love Hostage.

Right turn breakups and street corner makeups. I'll be the salt in every wound that you have ever had. But lose the fear... I'm just a perfectionist with nothing to back myself up.

Save your sorry's, I'm what you get for building homes inside empty words. That's why I drink liquor straight... so at the next spark I can just spit at their expectations and watch this all burst into flames. Or maybe I'll inhale the flare of fixations and failures just to burn me from the inside out.

Ace of shades. Criminal of hearts. Crasher of clubs. King of diamonds. I'm the full deck. Shuffle me and deal.

Fingers To The Keyboard, Bullet To The Heart

I woke up far away and didn't know which to reach for first... the light or my head. I walked into a city of bright lights and fairy-tale promises. My reflection in passing windows wasn't me at all. It was you. I kept my hands in my pockets. Rain drops floated down and into my eyes to hide my feelings for this place.

In my pocket I found a pen. I wrote '"where are you?'s" along every street light so maybe you could catch shadows. There's something wrong here. I found pieces of the sun along the sidewalk. The moon hasn't moved all night. Every poster and billboard is pictures of us.

Last night I had a dream that I found a string around my wrist that led deep into the sky. I pulled it down and every star crashed into the pavement. Walk away from this disaster already. I decided to skip stones and knocked the city over. I ran as far as I could only to find derailed trains and crashed airliners.

Right now I see you and I dilate.

Since November 14, 2003

Three year love affair and it's our anniversary. Traffic, tension, and the Holland Tunnel. Welcome Home.

Currently scouting locations to melt your heart. And once it's in liquid form we'll toast to the years we've wasted. Before I solidify your heart I want to swim in its imperfections. High Definition Lover. It's all so clear.

When it comes to ways that someone can miss you, I'm Christopher Columbus. I believed in you before we even met. When this is all said and done they'll celebrate a holiday in our name. I only hope that the bars will stay open.

Shutter..Shutter..Click..Click Late night chats into the early morning. She's making mistakes and tabloid headlines with his heart. Time to puncture swelling heads.

I want to be your latest catch phrase. The kind that you repeat unknowingly. The next "uh" or "umm" that comes out of your mouth. Stutter my name.

I heart the way that 7th Ave and Broadway clash at Times Square to form a bow-tie. Symmetrical mistress. Let's watch the ball drop one last time. Let my tombstone read "Drunken Socialite, Sober Recluse, Constant Smile!"

You Can Only Imagine How Jealous My Mouth Is

I've been stashed away for awhile. Like winter clothing. Here's to a new internal season. It has been ice cream headaches and sweet avalanche since the pearls in our shells came out to play. Take out your pencils and place your books beneath your desk. It's time to be tested.

They aren't my secrets to tell. They are my promises to keep. That is how we should always be.

I wish I could get a notary to sign off your attention six months from now. Crush it up, drink it down. You're the only addiction that's ever stuck.

Everyone wants to stand so tall and at the same time question why I'm so willing to throw posture to the wind. Here is the answer. I'm more than aware that hearts without a backbone can not be broken. I'll forever be in a curled up position.

You have me wanting to be rebuilt like a structure from Frank Lloyd Wright's mind.... only without all of the water damage. Or maybe I'll settle for being painted over like a Monet.. only less blurry. Either way I have my own adjustments.

I want to be a constant collage. Lets grab a masterpiece and paste our favorite visions along side. Art as/is progress.... a constant motion... never finished. Galleries are places in which we hang quitters. I say keep them alive. Let us all add to them. Allow me to become your masterpiece. Develop me. Don't ever leave me hanging.

I want to give them all the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. Thinking of being apart has my head spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. Show me what you are made of.

Snakes Snails And Puppy Dog Tails

When I dream I find myself placing you in bones of middle fingers and unopened letters. It is my hope that you will use one to open the other. String together sentences that only golden ears will hear... let me know I'm not passing love notes to empty desks.

You are my makeshift metronome. TickTickTickTick....

Laughter has saved me. Laughter and large crowds and eyes running with tears and giggles and hiding under sheets and shooting rockets with cameras attached and fake fights. It is the run on sentences in here that allow me to break free of the rules out there. Make me feel alive, make me get my point across. This is all for when my child struggles to find its way in the world. This is my "I was once there."

Living down to their expectations. That's what I'm best at. Hum a few bars and I'll fake it. If I put my hand up, I can blot out the sun, but not the light. This is a common side effect of delusions of grandeur. Third(wheel) degree burns and retinal damage.

I am the chair to your standing promise. Take it and break it. It's a two-for-one discount. Another mis-step in a series.

Sometimes cheek kiss goodbyes catch the corners of lips and its just the secret of those two forever. Pulled the sign off of my back that read: Save Me. Why am I so in love with the rescuers?

TheseWordsAreLoaded

Cue The Dream Sequence

The tires beating on the highway remind me of everything. Like the way that the evening lights on Fripp let me know where I should always be.

My lately's consist of road trips, good friends and the The Gilmore Girls 1st Season DVD's. The beach, board games, and regrets about an admission in the previous sentence. Flashlight dances and bottle rocket photographs from 500 feet. 11 crabs, feeding deer potato chips, and upset stomachs... which only feel better when laying in laps across the backseat.

My thinking is set in a pattern that only I wear. I can't make you like it because it doesn't suit the way your hips curve, and it certainly doesn't bring out your eyes.

I am just a guy caught up in the scene with a knack for putting words together and a habit of never thinking before I speak.

The best truths come from the best liars, even though it's not from their mouths.

The thinner the blood the further away I am... at least when my head is concerned. And you know how much I love departures.

BetweenArms. The way that she has these words dancing through my head is only proof that she is every great instrumental.

I Have Winter In My Pocket And Great Adventure In My Genes

Call me old fashioned, cliche, or repetitive.... but never careless. I've become used to counting the steps from the door to her room, just for those mornings when my vision is too blurred to see through the living room to the front door.

Loyal eyes spotted you and contacted my ears. I've caught you in the act. Covering up doesn't mean closing your eyes and counting to three. It's cute that you still believe in such things. But I have a feeling that when you open up, nothing will be as you wished.

Tonight will be all about yellow rain boots, and slow dancing.

Come clean or I'll confront you among the masses. Sticks and stones are way to obvious. Pick up the truth and hurl it in my direction. I'm a vampire baby, and your stake is coming clean. Crawl on top, count to three, and thrust your confessions into my chest. The nosebleeds are only me feeding upon myself.

We are supposed to allow our sparks to fly and set this world on fire. We could be this amazing disaster. We've got forever written all over us. Until then I'll be standing on your doorstep, trying to feel the earth shake.

Counting Down To Fripp

I am blue waves across the red root-like veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. I wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. I only love how the words feel in my head when I write them.

When I met you I gave you a name. Not your own... but in my head so I wouldn't ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary.

I had been watching you from afar. Love through a telescopic lens. Until late one night while the rest of the ship was sleeping, you cast your spell on me.

Now you're like a light switch. I just want to turn you on and watch all of the rest of them shrink away. I feel safe when you're around. Not safe like a bet.... more like the way mothers feel when they lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. Smiles grace my face when you cross my mind. Your happiness is the orchestra and I am the conductor.

Everything behind my eyelids is a machine that only moves for her.

Unzip Me And See The Heart That Reads "Always"

The real me is built more like a treasure chest. I'll probably be valued more when buried. Oh the things they find when they dig.

The ending makes all of the difference. Think about the meaning behind a simple phrase... "Get Me"... the way it sets itself in opposition when you change it's ending from a question mark to an exclamation point. From insecure to demanding.

I stopped breathing when I heard you say I don't care anymore. Matching red drops to the flow of water, blending red into orange and brown. My Fall colors.

Hiding out in words and planning my escape in paragraphs. Dropping notes for strangers. Picking up hints from familiar faces... but we both know you can't spell familiar without "liar."

DontLetMeSleep

Keypads and "My Bads"

I was standing on my deck looking over the lake when I noticed that there are two roses growing beside the dock. Even in the middle of Fall they are intertwined, wrapped around each other for support. I've named them after us.

You never needed a knight in shining armor. You just needed someone to hand you your own sword. You already know that I have mine... this pen. Thank you for keeping my blade sharp.

Vines are vibrant and so entangled in my head. Uprooting my heart, allowing it to pour from my fingertips. Onto this screen. The blood in my veins is humid, causing my thoughts to stick together. The world is currently calling collect to ask me if I've given you my heart.. I'm refusing to accept the charges.(Guilty)

Whoever thought capsules of red look better in a bottle than on my tongue was a liar or a fool. I'm going to slide by you real fast to track down a waitress. If you see her first make sure she knows I drink my love straight up, on the rocks. No chaser. It's all coming up later anyway. Either in bathroom stalls or in the form of words on paper.

I combine the alcohol of affection with the pills of sleep more thoroughly than I mix my metaphors. I'm such a lush of emotion. I never get wasted on anything but these knots in my stomach, the continuous sparks in my chest, and the words I find written, stashed in my pockets. I'm such a slut for vernacular. A lexicon whore, prose prostitute.

Before you my whole life just felt like one big apology.

SleepOverPrince

Note 2 Self. I Miss You Terribly

I'll play the role of the cellphone, you play the dead zone... since I'm constantly searching for a signal when you are near. Using up all of my energy, down to the last bar. I'm setting a privacy lock on myself so you can only turn me on. Take me to a place where I can get good reception. Recharging is so ordinary. Drain the life from me. Throw me in the lake when you're done.

I'm just another regular decorated emergency. You are a case study for everyone in the medical field.

I have childhood blood on my hands that even the chlorine couldn't erase. Still waiting for him to resurface, I'll be keeping watch over the nearest body of water. Draining all sinks and bathtubs, brushing soap suds and bubbles to the side reaching for his hand.

ImMyOwnBetterHalf

Their grip on my shoulders shaking me for an answer I still don't have. Memories of mumbling words to an officer as they rolled you away. The sheets were wet and shown through. Our last goodbye. Red White and You. So much hatred for the deep END.

Today we're lighting candles for you... but instead of being on the top of cakes, our flames are resting a top Bible's opened to your favorite verse. I'm burning 2. One atop your verse, and one atop of Proverbs 28:17 for me.

CrackCaveFall

Welcome To The Lips and Hips Parade

Stumbling through haunted houses, paying only attention to the way my blood seems to get confused when we hold hands. Admiring the way our veins align. So perfect. I like the air best when it is circulated through your body first. The faint smell that is underneath your ear and between your shoulders makes me feel like this could last.

Any darkness in my heart just fell and went idle, defenses down. Here's to proving them all wrong. Remind them that the underdogs will always be the ones with the bite. I don't even care where I am geographically as long as I'm located somewhere in your mind.

Tonight regret is resting itself on the tip of the tongue of another, and love is laying somewhere between that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the confessional booth you'll face on your wedding day. Relax babe, this is not a cheaper version of passion. That would lead to meaningless scratches on bedposts and backbones.

This is the truest form of passion. The Casablanca kind. The type that made Rick tell a lie and let Ilsa return to Victor.

LongHaulLover

I'm Just The Medicine You Take When You're Down

The cold is settling in and my teeth are chattering their own rhythms, much like morse code. Patterns grouped in twos and threes. Drive my heart to the nearest liquor store, then light the match that we both know you've been saving.

I think New York is going to come sooner than expected. I don't see color here anymore. Just Grey lights contrasting against the 'get out or die' signs. Compasses built with broken arrows in a room with broken light bulbs. Please tell me Grey can turn itself to gold.

I think I dreamt you up because I spend most of my days just waiting around for you to reappear. My head full of thoughts that I'm afraid to write down, because I just might lose it all. This is the part where you ask me to be your forever.

There are champagne flutes and decks of cards and smiles behind glossed lips. There are wants and desires, and there is this one mad plan of mine that I just want to follow until I die.

There is a dizzy spell approaching and it's going to be named after you and everything that I have put you through. Nostalgia never meant much to me until I saw your name in lights. But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never laid next to.

I'll see you next Summer. First pew on the right. Wear your white veil and don't forget the words.

ForeverASleepWalker

I Can Never Fall Apart Because I've Never Been Together

Spitting upon lottery tickets and busting the wrists of palm readers. I'm currently attempting to get over myself, but I never really was one to take the high road. So it's proving to be quite the challenge.

The best lies are the ones we sell ourselves. And the best secrets are the ones we let out for the world to hear. My vocal chords are in the locker room lacing up their gloves. They should be making their way to the ring any second.

My eyes are burning red from trying to see this through. And don't bother, I'd just kill the messenger that you send. If you can't deliver it yourself then it was all meaningless. Bones, hearts, and homes. All are there to be broken.

Learning that life is not really measured by the number of breaths that we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. I already know the mistakes that I'm going to make because they are crucial to me.

My whole life is resting on the tip of my tongue.

Escape Button Love

Hiding behind a keyboard from the fact that story book romances end in sweet catastrophe. Trying to forget that the diamonds eventually become dull, refusing to sparkle in the moonlight... tears are the exact opposite. Maybe she's hungry for a heartbreak.... to be just a bottom drawer memory. Friends don't let friends get famous.

Fell asleep in the mirror the other day, sick to death of comparing myself. Starting to feel like every word has already been written. I'm not always the person I want to be... but you make me want to be him.

Silly boy, all this is ever gonna get you is carpal tunnel and bad eyesight. You only know how to manipulate your lungs with thoughts of her.

I wish I was the mirror reflecting you back so I could make your eyes look carefree. The way I think of you is billboard big, only I could never tell anyone. It's all "if they could see us now"s versus "they'd be spinning in their graves."

Penned in on all sides. Lets split town. "Better in the long run" always means taking it slow. Craving a quick sprint. Beating hearts and careless desire.

I wonder how the pharaohs would feel if they realized they never made it across to the other side... They are sitting on the third floor of the natural history museum. Forever.

Lipstick Wishes And Messages Across My Mirror

Make a mix tape for the drive. Cover the road in hope. Apparently there's more than one of you. Or so say the broken hearted kids screaming through my speakers.

No more tears like razorblades since we've been together. Their cuts across my lips only added to the blood I'd spilled from biting my tongue for three years. Hearts and sentences, complete them both.

Rise and shine with cheese and cracker snacks. Tame our stomachs. A lazy couch afternoon for two. Draping ourselves across each other. Scratching backs and heads and things off of our list of things to do. It should always be this comfortable.

Love is a killer and I'm guilty for murder. You and me between the sheets. Lets crash hips and keg parties.

Different Names For The Same Things

This week I am playing the role of tired words and the same hope-filled thoughts. The director says I was born to play this part. I mostly agree, and bury myself back in my script...

CUT TO: Me with my eyes closing and my hands getting heavy, letting my fingers do the talking in the middle of the afternoon. Stashing journals throughout the internet... then getting mad at myself for not remembering any of the passwords.

I work vampire hours thinking of her. On my best day, when all the planets have aligned, I still couldn't come close to touching her.

It's a never-ending fairy tale and my princess is no longer missing in action. This heart is finally taking a walk on it's own, not relying on my brain for a pulse all of the time.

Scattered X,Y graph - destination: laughter. Lucky charms and broken hearts all lie in fields filled with ticking clocks and shattered memories. This blood is liquid nitrogen, icy like a river in winter that will never slow down.

Beating them down one by one until it's just you and me.

VampiresUniteTonight

First Hand Words Make Me Fall In Second Hand Love

I am split-second slide shows. Like subliminal marketing from the 1960's, thoughts of me interfere and fade. Endless charades. You'll never truly be 'over it'. Sorrow is becoming cliche. I'm tired of these fingertip evaluations, but like a drug I keep coming back. Imagery has a choke hold. Like a projector in the back of my mind; you're Oscar-worthy.

Responding to my 'I miss yous' with 'you shoulds'. Just erase these lips; you've rendered this tongue useless. Make me believe. cast faux shadows while you're up and down. Derail my trust and fall asleep on the track.

Dare To Disconnect

Confessed myself through text messages like your heart was the chapel. Slowly adjusting my eyes in the faint light..... We'll have to wait for the sun to (s)peak.

Shafts of new light reflect the history of bottles in my bedroom emptied from the laughter the night before. Everything in the room is askew. Our hips crashed like we used to do to parties.

I can always count on this city's lights to twinkle on..... and off. The latter is more responsible... for my moods and the previous sentence.


Don't feel down Charlie Brown. I'm forever blowing bubbles. I focus all of my time on the thoughts of one single person to the point that I can't ever make myself happy. It's mostly like a camera that is zoomed in too close.

I feel tight. Crowded.... alone. But then I zoom out and see all of the smiles. The blades of grass. The don't walk signs. The jet planes in the clouds.

It's hallelujah on the tongues of those who can't feel anything. Like numbness being swept away to sea. It's bulletproof and big like Christmas. But mostly quiet like 3am when the streets I walk are the streets I own.

Dear chemistry, why did you crash us together??

I have found someone I can read a book next to. I found someone who will go to a movie with me in the theater even though they've already seen it- and she still acts like it's the first time. I have someone who calls me back after we hang up just to say bye again. I have someone who never gives up..... mostly on me.

Fireworks stand for whoever I am thinking about and whatever I am wishing for right now. They spread across the sky and the smoke left behind in the moonlight spells out your initials.

They Call Kids Like Us Vicious And Carved Out Of Stone

Four lane highways along my back. Your fingernails behind the wheel. Crash and burn. Here's to hoping shooting stars crash into our front door.

I am in love with observing. Saw an old man at the bar, he carries his years in his eyes. All of the addicts and pushers are sitting in pews somewhere. Buzzing and lights. There is a HIPSter docked on the bar next to me. She drinks vodka straight without mixers, because the monsters in her closet are calories. I wonder how many she burns with her constant running mouth.

Here no one wants to be what they are. I watch waiters run their lines. Nothing changes here but peoples hair color. Nobody here waits in line. Nobody pays covers. Writing here hurts my head. But I am addicted. Honest to god, its like taking a picture of a ghost.

I'm always walking home head down, talking myself to pieces. Smile at the grass pushing up through the cracks in the sidewalk. My teammate. Sometimes I look at my reflection in car windows and say "worry on your own time".

Whispers really are louder in the dark. So when you whisper in my ear, make sure that the lights are on.

Dropping The Weight Off My Chest With Words...

Remind me the purpose for this parade. I don't want to be on display anymore (they never notice me anyway.) Feeling like just another skip in the record... addresses in ghost towns... old wishes that never came true.

Right now we're all gods, and we are all monsters. It never really begins or ends because somewhere, there is a kid that looks and feels just like thi(u)s.

t.h.e.y.a.r.e.h.e.r.e.t.o.t.a.k.e.o.u.r.h.e.a.r.t.s.

My head is a pool you frequently swim in. Sleepy eyed and foggy headed I wander the harbor alone. I'm tired but afraid to sleep because lately I never know what my mind will conjure up for my viewing pleasure (onlynotreally.) It's bad enough when I'm awake(wellmostly.)

Longing for extravagance to fall from these fingertips. I stare at the floor that I used to communicate with through tears. But you've cut off that communication. And for that I will always be grateful. Focusing on spending some quality time behind eyelids, because at least in dreams you get to decide who lives and who d(cr)ies.

The ballad of wet lips and eager hips. 4-1 That's a ratio you will never figure out and it's okay. I'm always in the haze of a car crash.

Distraction is the cousin of Destruction. StayFocusedRyan...JustStayFocused

ithinktheyvepassed

Coolest Couple Awards In Trophy Cases

Been writing in the real journal lately. Paper and ink. Hey Ryan, how did you get yourself turned so inside out?

This city feels like a lull. In weather, in love, in time, in life.

I can love you in hour increments, and I can give/take all your problems back/away. But the only thing that stays constant is me wanting to be bright enough to blind you.

HGW and Ashtrays from the local track. That line is just for us.

Think of all of the love I have behind my eyelids waiting for you to wake up. Thanks to all the forever kids who have stuck by my side. Dream fast. Wish hard. I got the Tootsie Pop with the Indian shooting at the Stars.

TrueEffinLove

Hanging Paintings In The Rain To Watch Perfection Hit The Floor

In case you forgot, the roller coaster was our fix. Cotton candy catastrophe. Ice cream crushes. Making our way through smoke filled paths. Winning stuffed fish for no reason at all.

Let's go to the beach and bury our hands together. Write messages in the sand to read before they wash away. This should always be us.

Laying around all day, watching fireworks in the reflection of your green eyes at night. One last ride before closing time. Lets get stuck on top so we can watch the park lights slowly burn out one by one like the years we've watched go by. An instant classic.

Walking away. Your hand in mine. No certain direction but to follow the stars. Let's aim for the brightest. I'll show you the one I named from your bedroom window. Our backs against the pavement. We certainly own the sky.

I'm Your Best Imaginary Friend. (White Lies, Gray Love).

To my forget-me-nots & allies;

This story is a complete waste of the eyesight you'll lose reading it. When you are done you'll ask yourself what the point was. There wasn't one. Every life has a lull in it that gets so bad and seems so long that you can't remember when or why it started. It skips around and probably isn't worth it but to me it reads like the bible. This is the story of a lull...read it like a crime scene report or an autopsy, because that's all it ever was.

BatsOnTheMove...

Wrapped With Ripped Paper And Held Together By A Dirty Bow

She says that someone was bound to appreciate all of my broken pieces, even though I was sitting on the clearance rack. She was attracted to the sticker on me that read "fragile, handle with care, some pieces may be missing."

We both know that the only piece playing hide and seek is the object on the left side of my chest. It used to beat with a steady rhythm, now it's a deafening whisper.

She is the catchiest catch. My head is an explosion of thoughts and her eyes make them all disappear.

It's a tale of "greater thans" and "less thans," and she will always be greater than me. It's a quick wit and a big heart, that's why we are the best of friends.

They are the joke with whispers and laughs behind their back. And it's you and I laughing the loudest. Keep stealing my heart because we're the new trend.

We Memorize Nine Numbers And Deny We Have A Soul

"This went out last season," she said.

And I only wish that you could realize it isn't always about you.

Oh by the way... if it was about me, I'm sorry that I mean anything to you. It's crazy that I mean something at all these days.

It's not crazy to remember, but to you everyday is an excuse to forget. We both know that along with the truth I could run circles around you if I really wanted to. But since my lungs aren't built for this... I'll let it go.

With my hair messed up and my hoodie zipped up I don't see the point. I got a way to get away from you. But it still seems as if you are following me.

Figurative language doesn't make any sense and I have forgotten where I am. Time changed but your still the same.

You've got people on your side that you never liked from the beginning, and today I swear something new is starting.

work.home.hide.lie.sleep.repeat.

And if all you ever wanted was a response then I guess I am doing the right thing. Stubborn and stupid are not far off from each other in the dictionary.

If I could put everything in my life to a song would you know the words?

I think I hear the tapping of rain on the roof but only in my head because I wish it so. I have some romantic idea of myself in some dirty apartment in Paris writing words that will be critically analyzed and translated into languages from countries that I didnt even know existed. But this isn't France in the 30's and I don't have the knack for that kind of wit.

ThisDoesntFeelLikeHome... BoardingWrongFlights?

Back Lots, and Side Notes

Polaroids inside my eyelids. Subliminal cut-throats. I can't seem to dismiss these dreams. Drive through the back-lots and into the studios. I wish your perfume was on my passenger seat; you've blocked all exits.

I bury breakdowns to pass the time. Missed you while standing outside the Magic Kingdom. Took a look up. I'm always a sucker for a skyline. Breathe in a Disney morning. The lights and flights overhead. Sigh. No street will ever be the same. Your fingerprints on my moon roof will confirm. This is easier said than done.

Everyone, everywhere has a truth and a lie about you, but they'll always mix them up.

Thought about putting my hand through a wall today in a disagreement I had with myself. I came out ahead and behind if you get my meaning. I think I just wanted a wound to take care of as they seem to be easier to look after than either a plant or a dog.

DartsMapsAndFutureTrips... PretendingIDontMissYou

A Knot At The End Of The Rope, To Save A Slipping Fist

Think of me when you collect Buffalo nickels and Kansas Quarters. Heart the way Buffalo were endangered. Heart the way they made a comeback. Roam the earth in plenty like they do.

Away from you I'm just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that. I don't want to sleep alone anymore.

You always have me humming in my head just out of key. If this is the Nightmare Before Christmas, I am Jack (I'll weave a path of mistakes, with the best intentions.) You can be Sally (since you never seem to give up on me.) We'll be the first and only to get things right.

Currently putting on more weight so there will be more of me to lose.

I feel like a nocturnal animal in the zoo at 12 noon. Me turning away from them so they don't see my eyes when I'm walking out the door... When I'm waving my hand back and forth and saying "I'm doing so-so" cause thats what I think someone "regular" would say.

Them saying "it wasn't the same without you"- but trailing off in a whisper because they don't even believe it themselves. The volume goes with the truth.

Compliments of Jenny at Animal Kingdom, I'm leaving you with a Fact Of The Day: Many tropical flowers depend on bats for their pollination. Hearts for Bats.

ImInYourHead... DontThinkOfWhiteElephants

It Took More Than A Heartbeat To Get Here

Pirates rings, Pirates bracelet, and a Minnie Mouse chocolate chip cookie start my day. Nosebleeds have me sleeping in fear. My kidneys, my lungs, my weakness, my secret. And this is my disclosure. Does heaven accept doctors notes. I think I may be skipping out.

Numb burnt days, or Numbered days? Pick your poison.

I have key chains and dreams. One a carriage to the other. I have been counting the days, but we all know that four tires just doesn't seem enough. Escape? Lose the question mark. Live for exclamation points.

Accusations cling to me with whispers.. "He has to be on something." Their skeptical judgments test me while I'm here. And when I'm laid to rest they will run one final test and find that they had it all wrong. I'd scream the truth at the top of my lungs if they wouldn't bottom out.

Dreaming of yellow lines in the middle. Trying to stay/keep up. When you accept your own death all fear is erased. You begin to realize that no one has ever truly known where they're going.

Press on the pedal and close your eyes and I'll be your passenger. Tonight the coast can be my cure. Lay with me in the sand and map out the stars. Watch as I spell out your name. Now it's your turn to write out something that you are convinced won't become another mistake.

Literally dying... to let it fade and fall into the sea. Start over. I would burn down the sky just to get this right. Tonight I'm sinking ships without you. The world is collapsing in your name and I'm still not even convinced that you have a clue.

Don't you get it babe... He writes about hearts because his has a beat that is fading.

The Bat is my flight from life, The Heart is my own, The Skull will be what's left of me. Bats and hearts forever. Please don't let them forget about me.

Heartache Lite... Diet Love

Forgot to pack my journal... Thank God for high-speed internet in hotel rooms. Brain surge. Thoughts like puffy clouds out my afternoon window.

If I was a judge I'd only hand out run-on sentences. Florida feels lonely. Leaves won't turn orange here. Or at least they're putting up a fight. I feel like I've worked my way back into mid-summer... and you know how much I love the Fall.

I'm calling shotgun on everything you do.

Right now I dream of lying in backyards with you in the a.m.'s..... White water rafting and carving pumpkins.

The Geneva convention of romance.

I work vampire hours thinking of you. The rings around my eyes are simply the proof. And when the planets align even the mercury specks in our eyes match.

Thought about you on the plane, surrounded by school children and coloring books. I came to the conclusion that if I was back in school I would have your name scribbled all over the inside of my Trapper Keeper.

LoveTheWayYouCallMeBabe

Her Heartbeat Gets Me Through

This is only me re-tracing your footprints in my memory and placing them in order of significance.

A show of hands, who has said these words out loud? With a show of hearts on the floor, who has ever meant them more than me right now? I feel like I overheard you saying how it would be funny to keep me hanging in suspense, may I say I loved you more?

It must have been an hour that I clutched you in my arms, and I must of said the the right things because you instantly felt warm. With your head on my chest I'm sure you heard my heart stop beating. Though for only seconds. I dare you to hold back OUR tears.

Baby Girl when will you finally realize that your sympathetic whispers are telling a CHILDish tale with a theme of sudden goodbyes.... and we're not getting used to them. Compliments of the past few weeks. My pen is the barrel of a gun, remind me which side you are supposed to be on.

I swear you saw me tearing up, and I swear I saw you smile.

Thinking about returning to paper and pen for awhile. Thoughts CONCEIVED IN ink. I'll be posting to other blogs and such... i LOVE letting my mind wander through circuits and the other sides of the internet.

CodedMessagesLetYouKnowWhereToLook

Training Men Like Animals, Warring Factions

The most random inbox just threw me in all directions. Unsolicited threats from a G.I... claiming hearts for himself. Fight the real enemy soldier, I don't even know you. Besides, I'm better equipped for this battle on the home front so I'm looking forward to your follow-through just as much as you. In the mean time stay out of the sun.... and my inbox.

Confusion for the next 2 months.

MyTwinWoreYourNameBetter

GamesArentForLovers... ComeCleanBabe... HeartsRemain

In other inbox news... Publishing deal actually went through! Copies for everyone! Can't believe this is happening!... Printing for the New Year. Working on titles. Send them over.

Shipping and Warehouse details are almost final at Clandestine. Look for the new Fall line over at ClandestineIndustries.Com My "Love is a Four Letter Word" hoodie won't be out until February... but believe me, the stitching alone will be worth it. Very custom. Other designs will be available online by Thursday... so until then stay fancy!

PictureMeLookingIntoYourEyesForTheTruthWhenYouReadThis:
Its give and take until you've given more than you could ever dream of having. I'm dying to be your life support when all else fails. I'll hook you up to the IV, lay you down on the gurney, and kiss your eyes closed.

Come on... nothing is more/less attractive than helplessness. It's too bad beauty pageants aren't held in hospital wings because we'd have the upper hand this month.

Robes as dresses, needles as necklaces. High heels are replaced with cold heels against lime scented tile. It's much easier to turn and wave without the threat of falling flat on your face.

What do you have left if not your face? You can cry wolf all you want but every time you do I'm looking straight at you.

This is the result of heads thinking too much, of hearts loving too fast.

Swear to make sure that what you're playing with is something you're willing to lose.

BadTiming

For Every Coin Thrown In The Fountain

I am in debt to this sensation. My only real crime is my obsession with documenting it.

Love letters from pens with no ink... and I'm left reading scratches on the table. Pulling my pen from my pocket, putting it right back. False alarm. So much swirling through my head but no amount of words to map it out. The blueprints have failed.

You know... whispers are so much louder in the dark. So break bulbs with me, babe. Let's burn these secrets down. Expose you to this audience we call our conscience. Suckers for the dark room.

Scrapbooks won't last. Sooner or later the color will fade, drip, and become a mess of memories that once were. A puddle of forgotten flashes and dead chromophil. Expired smiles illustrated under dust.

Once the rewind button is broken, all you can do is let it play through. Writing off tomorrows every time my fingers touch these buttons. Putting all the comforts and closeness in reverse just for you.

I haven't felt much like staring at a computer screen lately, reading words put to paper years ago instead. It slows my heart down.

Exit.

Luggage Is My Ex-BestFriend

I'm currently typing this with a heavy heart watching you sleep with doors open next to my dog and I'm more than in love with it all. A cat that normally avoids every living thing is paying you all the attention in the world and its making mine spin in all directions.

My bubble or yours. Lets never leave them behind.

Death is chasing all of us. September is our losing month. Heaven 6, us 0. Frowns for the latest news. Hearts for all that is looking up.

NYCisCallingINeedToPickUp

Dying To Be On The Best Side Of Your Bedside

From the outside, your bedroom window is my lighthouse. Two hearts between four walls. But we both know your room burns so much brighter with the lights out. Like waking up stranded with dead cell phones and no car. You have stolen my escape.

Random trips to carnivals is the new random trips to the Toy section of the nearest drug store. I'm drunk off of your fun.

For our hearts only:
-"Ahhh man, come on! You're just don't want to give me that golden coin."
-"Ohh No... where did all my tickets go man?!!!"
-I shot the sheriff
-"Brought to you by the Mens Club, don't forget to try their delicious hotdogs"
-"I can count by twos and tie my shoes"
-Plinko and the Fish game
-Bake sales and 25 cent books

You are smiles and assurances. I am ideas and insecurities. Sleep easy, babe. I'm wide awake.

In the meantime remember that language is a virus. We are merely the hosts. I am romances last terrorist. Long live our car crash hearts.

YouArePefectionOnMyPillowcase

She's Cleaning Out His Closet, While I'm Dying A Thousand Deaths

I'm on my way up to the roof, to catch a glimpse of you forgetting about me.

The girl you think has everything.... really does. But it's because she took it all from you. You're just a Juliet without the follow-through. From now on measure your lifespan by how many times your heart can take a breaking and keep on beating.

Did you think I was just wasting breath when I spoke of loyalty? I meant it in all directions. I'm loyal to his memory. I could walk this fine line between elation and fear, but we all know which way I'm going to strike the stake between my chest.

I bet your logging in just to search for more. You've always seemed like a collector. Haven't you heard Baby Girl, I'm a one of a kind. If I'm only here to sit on your shelf put yourself at ease, I found a spot for myself on the auction block.

No one is my equal because I'm the king of rain. Catch this thunderstorm. Peel the layers back and let it pour. Watch us all dance for cover. Fake it like I matter, thats a lie we can both keep.

Today I answered every question as accurately as I could. Now I'm the victim and her voice is like the sound of sirens to a house on fire. She's saving me. There's always two sides to the story and two sides to a page but you can only read one at a time. Have another drink while you skim past mine.

The First Rule Is Don't Sleep

Darling, this is an attempt at love, not a contest. And every breath I take is carefully guided from my lips to yours. The lack of affection is pushing me backwards in a direction of self-doubt. Sometimes I feel like you might be ashamed of me.

Every time I keep my heart open all that comes in is disappointment. I tried shutting the windows so that I’m only able to see you, but you're not close enough to touch… This is how I should keep you always, just beyond my fingertips where you can never belong to anyone else. Tonight it's tired eyes vs. tired sighs and I’m betting on red. I love how every word you speak I misunderstand. I can only see the bad in myself, you have to tell me the rest, when we're only separated by a windowsill, and my hand is the one pressed against the glass.

Tonight makes sense in tongues and riddles over the airwaves… inside jokes no one else will ever understand but her.

I’m starting to believe that I’m the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

Funny how you only have dreams when your eyes are closed.

Right now I feel like I’m around for when you’re bored, when you’ve flipped through the channels three times without finding one to stop on, when the hangover wears off at 3pm and when your friends are with their other friends and there’s no cheeks or lips to kiss but the ones on me you turn away. I’m out of my head trying to be in yours.

So pull the covers up over your head and drown out the daylight and the phrase "I love you" traced on your windowsill from the hand you’re currently holding. Sleep through this.

SunBetweenTheClouds

I'm the Greatest Movie to all of my Critics

When I left you this morning the color stayed behind. Driving away, a monochromatic chill was my only passenger. I wish night was never ending. If only the sun was as unreliable as I am. Here's to a highly contrasted season. Where fresh lips are new butterflies. Transparent "I love yous."

If you fall down enough, you'll find that getting up is what really hurts. There is so much history in the center of my chest.

Turn the page. What you thought was goodbye is just a disguised 'see you soon'. It never comes soon enough.

Deep breaths.

I am starting to realize that words aren't much different than colors. Given the perfect inspiration, both can create a masterpiece. Words are read long after the feeling is dead. Colors are adored long after the paint brush hits the floor. These are moments captured in ink, dreams broadcasted through a beautiful obstruction of imagination on canvas.

I hope these words somehow crawl through wires and find their way to your eyes(heart), but chances are they're just as weak as me.

Dreaming Of A Reset Button

How you are doing - is all a matter of who is asking. I know that these last few days have been the opposite of lullabies. Just know that I'd give it all away to see you smile again.

Baby Girl with raccoon eyes, stay forward, I'll watch the rest.

They're saying I was your motive. Careless words being thrown around like objects... and speculation is spraying like bullets.

Lay low. Dream high.

Stage Coaches Will Eventually Become Pumpkins

With all that has happened I'm finding artifacts from a time when I had a little more faith. Metaphors and amphetamines are flowing through my bloodstream, but every sentence I form seems to take the wrong tone. Words mean more this week. Mostly because they're all we have left.

If his ship was sinking then what was the point of walking the plank? Why were you so anxious to hit rock bottom?

Saving your voice mails from hours before it all went wrong. I wish you would have "pressed 9 to save," but you hit "7" to delete... But more than anything I wish I would have just picked up. I should have answered. It's too late to question, so in the mean time you can find me basking on the beaches of crocodile tear swamps.

She calls to say the most random things and I love her for it. In these times I'll be a shoulder, ear, or heart to fall on... just to get her to the warm.

WriteCrookedThinkStraight

Writing my heart down on the wrinkled, folded loose leafs that I keep in my pockets at night. I keep them there because I can never tell when I'll spark some sort of frustration that I need to get out.

Dimming The Lights... With Hopes That The Stars Show Through

Loaded lovers and loaded words have led to a literal fallen friend.

Less writing, more L i/oving

If My Hearts A Bucket Of Paint...You're Jackson Pollack

And I want so badly for you to be here with me to see this sunset over Lake Norman. It is placed outside my window beyond the deck, like the painting that I'm constantly searching for, to fill the empty space on the wall above my bed.

An almost white-orange sun is melting with deep blue water that is giving piggy-back rides to white breaks and waves. The green tree line in the distance is shading the tanned beach that I've spent my Summer on. Soon the tree line will be fragmented with the latter part of the color wheel. Browns/Yellows/Reds.... My favorite.

I'm currently finding irony in the way that I'm letting myself go mentally with no problem... feeling like it's the best thing I've done for myself in years..... Yet the way that I'm letting myself go physically is the worst thing that anyone could do to themselves. Just another Grey area that I will never master. Balance is for gymnasts and I'm clearly disproportioned.

If I had to be a day on anyone's calendar I'd be the 1st or the 15th. Good enough to help you out of your current troubles, and sweet enough to help you put yourself into more debt.

Envelopes Postmarked To Nowhere

To me their eyes just appear like pills. It's funny. Almost as if the blue ones take to you down and the brown ones are around to pick you up. It doesn't even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. And when the truth is told it will include the fact that there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in each of our lives. They are there to mark the chapters. Highlights so you pay attention to the changes. Dogeared pages.

Like the reflection I saw in her eyes the first time... you know... when all of the blood ran out of me. Standing there in the arch of her doorstep with the biggest eyes that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived.... So I blinked. I faked like I couldn't tell. I was always so god damned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. And I cant count the times I crushed them. And I realize that they will never look up to me the same.

After awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. You never really have to mean anything to anyone. Maybe she has intimacy problems with the world?

Her eyes are blackened around the edges so much that in the morning she looks like a raccoon. They look like permanent black eyes.. The consummate victim. Everybody loves the victim. She looks independent in a very vulnerable way. The safest kind of dangerous.

We’re sitting on the edge of her bed. I'm reminded of the fact that every single inch on our bodies is filled with millions of nerves.... and that somewhere inside our brains, neurons have fired to synapses and put them on alert. That must be why when my hands brush hers it feels electric. Every movement has a meaning, either yes or no. And every time she moves her hand to her hair it feels like she is sending signals. Stay or leave. Why can’t I figure them out.

There she was sitting in front of me, knee pulled up to to her chin, probably thinking of something or someone else. And thats how she will be stuck in my mind forever. Two explorers in the dark, mapless and hopeless. We're not just taking trips down memory lane, we are broken down on it.

My new favorite things are doll face dreams and giving in.

GiveLoveThenTakeItAway

Stay In Love, Fall In Touch

I'm enjoying the way that we have been ourselves after dark. Somehow the things we say mean more in corners of bars when we focus on everything outside of our heads.

The pact we made and titles we exchanged this weekend aren't cause for a funeral babe. I think we both just want the headline to die so we can begin writing the rest of the story. So fall into this with me.

Weekend daylight is your enemy. Recovery is the new drug. Sunday evenings have us wanting to hop in the car to purchase some energy... or was it some rest. Either way we both know that over the counter doesn't cut it... whether it be hearts or capsules.

Wreck it all, one heart at a time. Sleepovers and the toy section of the nearest drug store.

My Skin Has Made Promises. Whether The Rest Of Me Has Or Not.

Cell phones ring with unexpected voices. Voices that I've only had conversations with in my sleep for the past 10 years. She was calling from my parents front porch. The same place that I last kissed her goodbye. First loves and last kisses, all tracking me down in the September sun.

She still swears that every single word she ever said was always just a bullet in his head. Flights to Utah, we buried him underground between friends and love that Fall, the only things that made it to the end with him.

Lately I've felt a lot like what I imagine he was feeling. Maybe more like a hand grenade, and now she swears that every word she says pulls the pin.

I wiped up his fragments to save her mothers eyes from it all. I still dream about the way his skull was so brittle.... and the way that it was probably just a hint of his spine. Permission to hate him? Granted. But we both still have permission to forgive. Besides...nothing good has ever come from a grudge... or a gun for that matter.

Stains remain, and that's not just a metaphor, it's much more like a description of the garage floor. But I think there's been a breakthrough. I've come to grips with it all this afternoon. A day on the lake cleared so much of the clutter. I think I might have even understood him a little better. For a moment.

CandlesLitForMrWheatley... that's what Fall reminds me of. And yet it's still my favorite season. Here's to the few and far between moments that we have shared since graduation. You're doing big things kid. I can't wait to get to know you all over again. And the answer is "no." I gave you that piece of my heart forever. I don't want it back. Besides the scar is so much better.

Realize RealEyes RealAllies

Lets stage my death. Tell me who shows up to watch. Because lets face it... some lives have been written up in chalk, and then sometimes the rain comes to wash them all away.

Trying to remember every night is like trying to catch my breath. And the years have taken their toll but I'm still right here. We're bullets in the chamber waiting for the powder and the hammer to kiss.

I love the way Fall feels in my nose. Oranges and yellows, burning leaves, and us always trying to make our way upstream. The world has a funny way of playing tricks on us.

Watch read write scream interact get bigger than all of the stupid stuff your head wraps itself around.

Slowly Going The Way Of The Buffalo

Tables turn and old friends are finding themselves in need of company.

I love the way that when the rain won't give in, everyone else feels this disease that I live with. Using words like dreary, gloomy, and Grey. Welcome to Narcolepsy, where the forecast is always dark clouds and rain showers. What's really sick, is the fact that I'm more than proud to have established a residence here. I almost feel like it's a gift. Relaxing rain dripping on tin roofs. JustGiveIn.

I scratched mosquito bites in my sleep to the point that they have scabbed over... like my subconscious is the artist, and my body is the canvas, painting scars to remind me of our weekend on Fripp Island.... where I was bitten... or at least got the bug.

When it rains it pours, and this applies to potential mates. I've already passed my heart on so the rest of them are just wasting time. Lazy eyes stuck on maybes.

Sometimes I feel like the clock is telling me off.. instead of the time. I'm the page that you keep flipping back to, you know... the one you keep bookmarked for future references only.

I'd type more but my energy has been used up by my heart, waving this white flag.

lovehostage

Hearts and Wrists Intact

Keep typing Ryan, maybe it will keep you from venturing out into trouble....

Like a dog, walking in circles before lying down, my mind has wound itself again around thoughts of you and I.

Plans are as follows: Stand forehead pressed against cool windows meant to keep uncool things out, not keep them in. Tonight everything feels backwards so this just fits in with the theme.

I'll stick to crossing my heart or t's because fingers give me away every time.

Please show up at my door and remind us both that I'm still alive. Here's another "I heart you" that I should be whispering against your ear tonight. This weekend was a glimpse into a few of your cute quirks, and if I'm lucky I might see them all.

I heart the way we let the ringing of our cellphones become background noise when we're together... and the way that you'll answer my call even when you have better things to do.

Who needs a gym when we work our abs out with the laughter between us. Surreal is the word that unlocks the definition of the events that happen around you and I when we travel.

AndAgainThisIsJustForMe

NYC Is For Tired Kids and Wired Eyes

Bullet Points to serve our memories only. You, me, and 4410.

Do you remember:

-Bar hopping into every single chair and booth I've ever sat in, as if fate was trying to re-write every NYC memory I have, to include you.

- A stranger involving us in a philosophical discussion about a banana peel on Christopher street. Sally on the floor at Chumley's. (Her feeding time is 11:37.) The "Listen to me" guy at Caliente Cab who couldn't hold onto a napkin... you handle the waiters from now on. Random piles of books on the sidewalk and trying to push each other into cellars on Bleeker Street. Using Lavender Linen spray like mase on my right eye while blindfolded. Stiff-Arming that girl in the lobby as she turned the corner? "Get that smell away from me." Hands in water fountains. Sharing a revolving door.

- The way that the random girl in a summer dress was holding flowers, and leaning against the "Crosswalk" sign, clearly out of place. The infamous danceoff in front of hundreds in Washington Square Park. 2nd place has never looked so cool. Admit it. The guy on the subway listening to Madonna on his I-Pod.. "Holidaaayyy!" Advil and Diet Coke to get you going. "Do you want me to make you a sandwich? I cut my hand carving you a wooden pickle."

- The trash bag clothed man on 8th Ave. Ray's Pizza that we don't even remember ordering. "Grow-A-Girlfriend," "Gay Accent Spray," "Garbage Pail Kids," and "Finger Hooks," .... Oh and those amazing rings that even airport security didn't notice. The amazing magnets you found for Tom and Liz. Mr. Squarepants in the middle of Times Square. Nobody should "weeeee" alone. "How the hell did I turn the sheets blue?" "People With A.I.D.S. Plaza." Buying gifts for friends but keeping them for yourself! 4 old school snow globes. Drinks at Puck Fair.

- "Are you being a good travel companion?" Complaining about a bruise that I gave you while saving your life. Dining at Butter, ordering a grilled cheese sandwich and warm chocolate cake! The party that broke out on the corner of 49th due to the flashing laser lights with crystal NY skylines. The maids leaving our slices of pizza with bites in them. The lack of trash cans.

It all started with an unexpected limo ride and a room with a great view, at the top of the city. It all ended with me wanting to do it all over again... but only if you're on my arm.

TheresNotAPillToKeepYouFromMyMind

You're Out of Proportion... Far Too Tiny For That Heavy Heart

I woke up this morning appreciating the moon outside your window. Loving the way its shadows highlight the way your shoulder blades curve, when your back is turned to me. The way my hands felt like they should wait in line before they even went near.
My cellphone fights to get a signal in your apartment, I have that in common with it.

I think what we have right now is pretty amazing. Imagine if we both put our hearts into it. I lost another eyelash, wish on new love.

I never understood why you let someone with as many flaws and failures as I have near you, why you felt my arms were worthy of holding you. Of course I've never argued it, I just keep hoping you never come to your senses.

I have to be one step ahead to make sure I keep getting stepped on.

Love the underdogs... we need it more.

Currently collecting cans of red paint for NYC.

sleeplessdreams

ryanheartsher

I only wish I could mean more than the hair raising on your neck or the angel and devil on whichever shoulder you choose. Peter Pan evenings in the breeze of Fripp Island. I hope I'm your Mayflower. I hope I'm your Plymouth Rock. Black magic and all. Lets make a pact. It always starts with some small "I" and ends with an apology or "I'm just seeing the world." I need to become me. You know what I mean? If I dream, I hope I dream of this.

Pickupthephone. Tellmehowitgoes. Fallasleep. Dontdreamofthis. Crashyourcar. Tellthedoctorstomailmetheblood.

Turning Book Shelves Into Driftwood

I think about your arms around me or your voice on the other end of the telephone, and sometimes it feels like it was just a dream. Your lips parted, leaning in just for me. The way you'd pull me to your bed as if I wouldn't go willingly. As if my feet were afraid. As if my heart was underneath them.

Just because you can see it doesn't mean it's yours to have, like the moon and the stars. Oh yeah and you.

Take me to the hospital and feed me through my arm cause my mouth's just always only good for words I won't mean anymore when the pills wear off.

We are the talk about town, the grapevine's being watered.

Leave no hearts (or stomachs) unturned,
7’s for when you’re not quite sure

imissfripp

My Losing Season

Trips to Fripp. I'm with Tuna. The King of Hearts went missing. The Prince of heartbreak found him in the dunes.

For now she will be the honest touch that bruises. For ever I'll be playing musical chairs with hearts. For her I will continue to trace the shoreline with crossed fingers, reminding myself that even the tide gives in.

Walking on the beach today I found myself missing you before I had even left. Why do I only remember the things I planned on saying after we have returned to the rest of the crowd. I love the way my name sounds when it comes out of your mouth.

Excuses are like flowers, pretty and just to change the subject.

Dream me up something better than me and you. Because love doesn't mean a thing if it's not leaving us light headed. All of my headaches are in my chest for you now.

sideeffectlover

I Heart Scars... She Scars Hearts.... I Guess We're Soulmates

Sometimes I swear that I have ink running through my veins. This constant need to create has left my fingertips in constant motion, typing, painting, strumming.. posting. The inside of my head is just words bouncing back and forth.

Her presence sharpens my flaws... or at least my awareness of them. Six digits and hang up the line. Who knew a dial tone could rattle this cage with such havoc? I want to live under a softer light as I continue to wait on the one word that will spark comfort.

There is such a thing as knowingly unmaking yourself. Seasons change, people don't. You will see less of what you expect. And I'm not sure you will realize that its on purpose. I just want the smile to be real again.

Recommend me a book to read.

I've Got A New Golden Razor Blade I Wear On A Chain Around My Neck

Have you noticed all of the birds drinking from the grapevine lately? Better stock up on duct tape to keep our mouths shut. Don't worry, I can afford it, I've picked up a part time job as your personal chauffeur, at least it feels that way because I've been carrying thoughts of you with me everywhere I go.

I never catch on, I'm just not ready. Sometimes I think I might be doing this so that my stomach can push up what I left behind... and can't remember. Please just this once hang on and don't forget, you won't ever really know.

I guess these are notes that I wish I wrote on napkins and left under wind shield wiper blades.

Labor day is waving his finger in a taunting fashion, reminding us that Summer has passed and days are growing shorter. Holidays are for family and since I don't really fit into that category anymore they've become an excuse for sleep. It's my bed, I made it, I'll lie in it.

Cut the ties lets go! This anchor has rusted and the sails are full with our last breaths.

Promise right now that you'll ruin me. If you will I can promise that it well help us to get along better. Even the sky is scarred with stars.

ClueMeInOrCutMeOut

Dialate Me

It's a perfect summer day outside but I'm consumed by this lump in my throat. It bears a sweet aftertaste that coats my stomach with feelings similar to the time my dog ran away.

Just because you can... go ahead and take your shyness pills. Just promise to put it all on the line every single time and we'll both be ok. But I have to warn you...just when you were thinking I couldn't get anymore flamboyant, I got a new vest and some shoes with teddy bears on them.

The real me is anti-matter. It’s the time/space continuum. It's the 4th dimension. Its all these theoretical ideas that can't be proven.

How I feel is “what killed the dinosaurs” and “how the pyramids were built”. Just guesses that maybe hit their marks and maybe are miles off.

Lately, my reflection appears as if it is just the hull of this spaceship, that is burning up in the atmosphere on it's way back to earth. About to crash hard at the learning curve.

Take this to press. I’ve only got four stories to tell and they're getting old. Dig up some new dirt. I'll air some more dirty laundry. Cause that’s all this is. A laundry room without any washing machines (nobody's coming clean on their own anymore).

Put the buzzing phone to my pulsating head. I tell us both, “I’ll be home soon”…we know it's a lie but it makes us both feel ok. I know this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it just feels better to get it out to you.

I Am For The Moment And The Wreckless

Comfort can come from the strangest places. While you are dying, waiting on a phone call. I had one of the best conversations I've had in my entire life last night.

There is only one single pair of eyes that could ever decode any of this.

Put another "x" on the calender. Summer is on its deathbed and I'm convinced that there is simply nothing worse than knowing the ending. This year it's stripes and pumps, last year it was dance floors and you. She keeps talking, I keep staying the same. Did you ever change your mind about someone and then just realize it was a fucking haircut. Put me in a frame on your wall, just to keep me out of trouble.

Everything is always either digging a hole or digging yourself out of one. And just when you have it all figured out you should just sift through your pile of "never again"s. Quite a collection. Blow off the dust. The road outside of my house is paved with good intentions. But it is hell on the undercarriage of the car so we're gonna have to hire a construction crew. I wonder if anyone else thinks of you as much as I do, even you.

A mutual misunderstanding. Kaleidoscope eyes sparkle on pillows in the dark. And I don't care what anyone thinks of that except me. Put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out.

Sit Back And Relapse

My new hero is Max Fischer... look him up. He wrote a hit play, worked his ass off to build an aquarium for Miss Cross, and saved Latin.

Diving for sunken treasure has never looked so cool.

Her scent is still on my pillow case and I'm thinking about spending the rest of the day soaking it in. Her lips have been active but she swears her hips are reserved....

If she was my prescription I would surely overdose... because taking her once daily is not an option.

I had such great thoughts about us this morning, unfortunately I left my pen behind. So I memorized some key words to write down when I returned... it was something about "you," "me," and "forever."

shesmyrushmore

I'll Play Sid And You Can Play Nancy

I found a group picture that we both appeared in, months before we shared a moment. I've cropped it so we are closer, just to see what it might feel like. So far so great.

Clandestine was just a clothing line, it wasn't supposed to be how we operate. I've dreamt of being your leading man, but never in a million years did I think we'd be courting Shakespeare. Montague's to Capulet's, whatever keeps you close.

My new favorite thing is your head on my chest, beneath light covers, hiding from the fan on high. The dog between our feet, hinting towards a future. Or is it just me.

Even if you throw this all in reverse in the days to come, my heart will always skip a beat for the past few weeks.

My life’s a rainstorm of “I love you’s” yet I'm always left stepping in the puddles. I never really wanted to fit in any place.... except your arms.

pleasesayyes keepmebreathing

Flame Guns For The Cute Ones

Let's write down all of our feelings in cursive just so they will all take it more serious.

I'm working for the Montague Show and you are still back in the Capulet's Department. I heart the way we still work together behind close(d) doors.

Have I thanked you today for not rejecting all of my weird tendencies. It means more than you know.

I lost you in a dream last night to another.... along with the ability to fall back asleep. So I decided to browse the harbor by foot with the dog. My new favorite thing (besides what you do to my heart) is the way that the streetlights reflect in the pavement when it's raining outside.

I've been practicing licking stamps because I'm getting the feeling that you just might be worth writing home about....

Gloom to swoon = you

grateful = me

ihavenotsaidaword... imjealousofthespotlights... andthewaytheyclingtoyou

The Opposite of Amnesia... That's What I Have

Wanna swap hearts? Come on... quit stalling and hand yours over. You already have mine.

I'm not usually one to give chase but you've managed to stir up this thing in my chest... and it's racing in all directions. So I guess I have no other choice but to spill these thoughts in awkward fashion, on this canvas of chance and self doubt.

Quit with-holding evidence. The jury's out and rumor has it they're only stalling for the dramatics. Let's serve life together. Felonies of the heart are the best crimes ever committed. Let's break all of the laws of romance and point the finger at loneliness.

I promise to bail you out. Any objections will be over ruled.

I'm well aware that bad news travels fast... and to you I may seem the worst of it. But I assure you that whatever caption is written next to my picture is the exact opposite of me. The same goes for the whispers.

I wish for Autumn. I'm always thinking of breath in the air and leaves burning somewhere. Somehow I attach it to feeling okay..... In a running home from school kind of way.

Mayday Mayday. There has been a fire in the engine room. Failure lights are up everywhere. Me and this pen... just like always.

Dear Expatriots, Let's Be Strangers And Give Up What We Know

With waving arms and open smiles they grabbed my attention... "Come play this new game with us.. it's called "Friendship." I had been admiring their good times from afar for quite some time, so I quickly joined them.

Time passed, and soon I was getting better at the game than the rest of them. So they changed the rules. GAME OVER

From now on I think I'm just going to be a fan of 1-player games. High scores don't lie.

So excuse me while I unplug myself and walk away. Besides, I found this new game called "Self Respect" that I like. I'm only at level 1 but I'm getting much better. I hear there's even a secret code that lets you skip ahead to the end. That's the part where you have to face this massive demon that spits Liar Balls in your direction. I'm punching in the code as we speak. My plan is to burn the bridge that he's standing on. I hear he'll drown in the sea of regrets beneath. This game rocks. I only wish I had an extra man left.


I'm in love with the way that I'm clumsy with my own heart. I literally spilled it on a post-it note and stuck it on her door last week. Fearless? Nah, perfect. What the word "popular" is to you, the word "weird" is to me. We're both striving towards our own labels.

iactthisway...onlybecauseiwant2bemissed

A Letter From My Current Self; To Myself 10 Years Ago

Hey man, just wanted to drop you a note and go over a few things. First and foremost, I believe in you. Now... take a look around. I know you're not going to believe me but with the exception of mom and dad, everybody else in your life right now will disappear. It's not as tragic as you think.

Stop what you're doing.. Find K.C..... hold him tight. Please tell him "I'm sorry." Remind him that you'll never leave him alone. Stick to this promise. Seriously.... write that down.

Tell dad to quit smoking... hug mom more often, you're weird, embrace it. Visit NY and admire the Twin Towers. You're going to be hearing about this thing called Google. Put all of your money into it.. early.

You're going to earn some amazing scars in the next few years. I know you're smiling you sick fuck. I shouldn't have to tell you this but don't drink and drive.

The only thing you'll have forever is that goddamn pen. It will be buried in your hand.

You're gonna learn a lot of things but none of them will include: Unconditional love, modesty, grammar, or impulse control. I'd like to think that you wouldn't hate me.... but who am I kidding? Spotlight or no spotlight thats always kind of been your thing - it's just kind of funny that its in fashion right now. I never did anything just for a buck back then, and I still wont. Don't give up on me. In some ways I think I'm walking away from all of this as we speak. Here are some books you should read... they will make your head rest easier at night, more importantly they will help you understand yourself:

the old man and the sea
our lady of the flowers
the green hills of africa
the motel life
on the road
the every boy
the heart of darkness
first love, last rites

Take care of yourself. I'm waiting on a letter from ten years from now.

Oh... 1 more thing... there is this madness that runs inside our heads and as you know it's the only one refuge from it all. Don't give up on it just because it's deep inside mountains, hidden in your mind. That is where we can still meet. (It's called Arcadia) We can still write. We can love. I sit at the gates and wait for you. Right now it is lush and green and empty. It is yawning wide, its great teeth are ready to swallow us inside - but not like a mouth... closer to a fortune cookie and we are the fortun(at)e inside. Before the hour is up I will make my way back to my bedroom and out of Arcadia.

Take care of yourself. Hug K.C. again

There are words that can be strung together and repeated in your ear in a particular order that will unlock the codes of this heart. Sit and wait on them.

Until then, you're going to lose some important people in a short period of time and you'll try to beat yourself up over this. Just know that it's not your fault. Write that down... It's not your fault.

Talk to Dad more often. He's a great friend to have a late night conversation with. You guys are so much alike.

Start waking up earlier... the sky is much more brilliant when it looks bruised.

nevermindanything

You Are The Canary, I am The Coalmine

I'm going to write you down and keep you in my wallet so when I die, they'll all realize that I took you everywhere amongst my favorite possessions. You mean more than most ever will. How bout you write that down. Keep it close(d).

I needed a copy of my birth certificate the other day... I finally found it on God's refrigerator. It was on a post-it note with the title "My favorite mistakes." You were on there to.

Her friends warned me that her heart was a Brinks truck, complete with insecurity guards. But to me she was just another fearless verbal warrior. She introduced me to the word dowry and then called me a curmudgeon in the following sentence. I called her a thesaurus abuser. I wanted so bad to write her down and laminate the moment. Hearts for Chicago. Scars for flights home.

PS: the codeword for heart breaker spells just like her name

If they travel on foot to mock you they mean it more. (Im/depress me all at once.)

Don't worry, just remember that empty threats have the best intentions. They come from the heart. It's the follow throughs that are way too obvious... Follow throughs are just the completion of the task, they're not the brains of the operation.

I'll always be the kid unaware that his zipper is down.... as long as it makes you smile.

love,
the fancy kid

Craving Everything I'm Not

I am a time capsule. Put something inside of me. I will show it back to you on your deathbed.

My eyes are always rubbed red.

My best friend has been designed to perfection - down to the stripe over his eye. Everything else is wrecked and broken down on the side of the road, and thats if I'm lucky.

I'm always up until it gets light out. Waiting.... for things that never happen.

In my wallet I carry a letter filled with words I have never told anyone. Maybe one day I'll get some courage and a stamp.

Love,
the ruiner of hearts

I'm Just Watching The Whores Parade For The Price Of Fame

I can't help but feel sorry for my hotel room's mini-bar. It has to be thinking that Bin Laden was lurking behind the Toblerone..... the way I raided that thing last night would make Colin Powell envious.

I always thought muscle memory was shit. But lately in bed, I've found my arms tingling along the insides that used to wrap around you.

I'm the kid that likes to point out that motivational speeches only benefit the speaker. You know.. I'll always be a "means to an end" kind of kid.

I loved her before the lights. She's the only one I've entered a relationship with that makes loss a comfort zone. I miss my parents, I miss our trip. L Train, 3rd Base Line, NY Mets, Batting Practice, Harry Carey signing dirty baseballs from my mit. I love that the only thing I hold onto at this very moment is the fact that I can't even remember the score from that day. That's freedom, that's love, that's living for the moment and never looking back.

I'm tired of showing up just to disperse the crowds..... like I'm some sort of twisted fire marshal.... "folks please make your way towards the exits... in an orderly fashion..."

No need to worry, this is just a routine alarm to remind you that at any moment this could all fall apart.

Chicago is for lovers, the rest is for others.

PS: heroes will surprise you in flattering ways.

writeyourselfinandout

Die Romantic

Do they have radios in heaven? Because they're playing my song... and I'm singing it to you.

If for some reason they don't, I'm bringing my guitar to your pillow, and we'll make it your personal lullaby.

I'm proudly sitting amongst the skyline of Chicago. Lake Michigan is the deepest blue, waves lapping, waving "good night" towards the sunset.

Not so bad for a kid who gave up ribs to fight for breath on day 1. Lavish makes me insecure, but the view is so amazing. Although random, I wish my mom was here to share this with. This was our city... way back then. I guess it still could be. Cubs games, walks on the Pier, and Gino's Pizza are on my list of things to do..... right after "call home."

Today I wished I was the white crayon in your box of 64... just so I could be certain that you won't use me.

icantwaittogetalive

Make it Glamorous. Make the Rumors True.

Someone thought they would go out and teach my heart a lesson.

She is a STARVINGmakeoutARTIST. We exchanged sloppy kisses in the rain until I realized that she was only in it for the rain.

I left a message on the mirror before you woke up in the morning so when you shower you can see it fogged up around your reflection.

Written with my fingers as your body touch still lingers on my chest, turning the handle of the door. You're so pretty in the morning and so desperate in the evening.

Next time I'll make the moves, if next time you'll tell the truth

There is not a single word I could write that would make you understand how I feel right now. Please return my spirit to me.