A Letter From My Current Self; To Myself 10 Years Ago

Hey man, just wanted to drop you a note and go over a few things. First and foremost, I believe in you. Now... take a look around. I know you're not going to believe me but with the exception of mom and dad, everybody else in your life right now will disappear. It's not as tragic as you think.

Stop what you're doing.. Find K.C..... hold him tight. Please tell him "I'm sorry." Remind him that you'll never leave him alone. Stick to this promise. Seriously.... write that down.

Tell dad to quit smoking... hug mom more often, you're weird, embrace it. Visit NY and admire the Twin Towers. You're going to be hearing about this thing called Google. Put all of your money into it.. early.

You're going to earn some amazing scars in the next few years. I know you're smiling you sick fuck. I shouldn't have to tell you this but don't drink and drive.

The only thing you'll have forever is that goddamn pen. It will be buried in your hand.

You're gonna learn a lot of things but none of them will include: Unconditional love, modesty, grammar, or impulse control. I'd like to think that you wouldn't hate me.... but who am I kidding? Spotlight or no spotlight thats always kind of been your thing - it's just kind of funny that its in fashion right now. I never did anything just for a buck back then, and I still wont. Don't give up on me. In some ways I think I'm walking away from all of this as we speak. Here are some books you should read... they will make your head rest easier at night, more importantly they will help you understand yourself:

the old man and the sea
our lady of the flowers
the green hills of africa
the motel life
on the road
the every boy
the heart of darkness
first love, last rites

Take care of yourself. I'm waiting on a letter from ten years from now.

Oh... 1 more thing... there is this madness that runs inside our heads and as you know it's the only one refuge from it all. Don't give up on it just because it's deep inside mountains, hidden in your mind. That is where we can still meet. (It's called Arcadia) We can still write. We can love. I sit at the gates and wait for you. Right now it is lush and green and empty. It is yawning wide, its great teeth are ready to swallow us inside - but not like a mouth... closer to a fortune cookie and we are the fortun(at)e inside. Before the hour is up I will make my way back to my bedroom and out of Arcadia.

Take care of yourself. Hug K.C. again

There are words that can be strung together and repeated in your ear in a particular order that will unlock the codes of this heart. Sit and wait on them.

Until then, you're going to lose some important people in a short period of time and you'll try to beat yourself up over this. Just know that it's not your fault. Write that down... It's not your fault.

Talk to Dad more often. He's a great friend to have a late night conversation with. You guys are so much alike.

Start waking up earlier... the sky is much more brilliant when it looks bruised.

nevermindanything